Anna Harris

PGX Daily Ultra Matrix Softgels - A follow up review after 12 months

2011-06-08T11:39:00.004+10:00

I had a comment posted on my blog asking why I didn't post any more reviews of my PGX experience. I guess it's just a matter of being a busy mum with not enough hours in the day to get around to fun stuff like blogging. That said, I thought I'd give you a quick overview of 12 months of taking this supplement because it's quite astounding.

After a bumpy first few weeks, my body quickly adjusted to the PGX. I took about 6 weeks to work my way up to the clinically significant dose of 4 tablets per meal. I tested occasionally with my glucometer and can tell you they do significantly drop the sugar levels of the food you eat 5 - 30 minutes after your dose.

Constipation is an issue with these tablets, even though they are a huge dose of fibre. Go figure! It's important to continue to eat plenty of fruit and things that move through your bowel and break up the bulky stools created by PGX.

I took this supplement as I thought it might help my PCOS. The first thing I noticed in that regard was that my cycle regularity was restored. From a random 60-ish day cycle, I quickly went down to a 30-35 day cycle. The second thing I noticed was that I lost weight from my waistline, despite not changing my diet at all.

After a few months, I began to find the large amount of water required to drink with each meal was burdensome. I decided to cut down to two tablets per meal, which meant I only had to drink about 250-500ml of water with each meal. I knew it wasn't a clinically significant dose but it still seemed to help and I didn't gain any weight back.

But, the most surprising thing happened when I had to visit my gyno for a transvaginal ultrasound. We discovered that in the twelve months since I had been taking PGX, with no other major changes, my left ovary had halved in size and was much smoother in appearance. This was pretty astounding as there were no other real changes in my lifestyle or diet.

I recently stopped taking PGX because I was taking Metformin in preparation for pregnancy and having two medications that are both rough on the gastro-intestinal tract was just too much for me. I would argue that PGX is at least as effective as Metformin in managing blood sugars. I'm sure it helped my body prepare for what is now a natural pregnancy. I do wonder if I'd actually be pregnant at all if I hadn't taken PGX at clinically significant doses for almost a year.

If you've got PCOS, I reckon PGX is worth trying.

All that is left - An Easter Poem

2011-04-21T00:00:00.002+10:00

Father, Forgive them
He prayed
As he lingered.
Waiting,
To offer up the purest sacrifice.
The sin of the world descended
Like a heavy curtain.

Torn asunder
With crushing blows.
A bloody victory,
A hollow tomb.
Death is defeated.
Jesus is risen.
You are forgiven and
Found in Eternity.
All that is left
Is to Believe.

IVF - A Waiting Game

2011-03-16T10:14:00.002+10:00

Psalm 130 (New International Version, ©2011)

A song of ascents.

¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;
² Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
⁴ But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

⁵ I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
⁶ I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

⁷ Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
⁸ He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

In the five or six years since I first went through IVF, the whole scene has changed. Rather than be a process driven by an IVF specialist, it is driven by clinic nurses. The clinic I'm attending has three nurses who job-share. I never seem to get the same one twice and they are never aware of my history. There is no case manager to own my case.

As a result, I feel like it is actually me who is driving the process. This is daunting when I have no idea what should be happening next. Oh sure, I could draw on past experience, but since that nearly killed me it is hardly a decent benchmark. The point of IVF this time is to create life, not end it.

These three job-sharing nurses will only accept phone calls at 8:30am - 9:30am and 3pm - 4pm. It's school drop off / pick up time. What a coincidence! This annoys me even more because I'm required to discuss IVF, my cycles, my periods, sperm collection etc on my mobile in the middle of a classroom full of FIVE YEAR OLDS!

My alternative is in the car, or wandering down the street with child in tow. I don't have blue tooth and handsfree on my mobile involves resting the phone on my thigh and hoping it doesn't slide off as I round the corner.

So it's cycle day 31 and we're waiting for my period to arrive. Nurse #3 said we'll wait until day 36 or 37 before they send me for a blood test (ie. a pregnancy test!).

One thing's for sure, I must be pre-menstrual 'cause I'm cranky as hell!

The life Jesus gave you

2011-03-10T12:23:00.005+10:00

I got a revelation this morning after reading Luke 8:40 - 9:6 and I have to share it with you.

The first section is the story of the woman with the issue of blood, together with Jairus' daughter. The second section is where Jesus sends out the twelve disciples in pairs to minister.

Both stories were swishing about in my spirit this morning as I did the grocery shopping. I guess it took a while to process, along with a few leaps of spiritual logic (ie. revelation) before understanding arrived.

First thinking about the disciples being sent out like little mini Jesus' all around the country side. I remembered reading in one of the gospels how Jesus rejoiced with them upon their return. They had done as He had done - miracles, healing the sick, living by faith with no money, no spare shirt. 'Wow,' I thought, 'such faith!'

Right beside that story in my Bible is the story of the woman with the issue of blood . While reading, I was impacted by her strong faith and the instant reward Jesus gave her. Immediately upon her act of faith, he called her 'Daughter'. She was now a child of God.

My next revelation was that she was immediately used by Jesus to help build Jairus' faith through her testimony. No waiting around to do a training course at Church. As she trembled before Jesus and shared a thoroughly embarrassing and painfully honest account of her life, Jairus would have been standing nearby. No doubt, wishing Jesus would hurry up and get to his daughter's bedside.

Jesus knew Jairus was struggling with fear. "Don't be afraid; just believe and she will be well," He told Jairus in Luke 8:50.

I realised as I reflected on all of this that I have some parts of Jesus' life in me. I find it easy to have grace and forgive (mostly!). I find mercy and compassion fairly easy. Didn't Jesus extend grace to people? Didn't he show mercy and compassion? And then it clicks in my spirit, Jesus has given me every aspect of His life. Not just the grace and mercy!

Just as he sent the disciples out to heal and minister, He sends me out. He died so I could have a life just like his. Whatever He did, I can do too in Jesus' name. That means heal the sick, that means speak the truth in love, that means call the pharisees of this world to account, that means live a life not worrying about money, a life of miraculous provision of food and fellowship, a life of love for His father's house.

That's all mine. That's all for me and it happened the moment I took a step of scandalous faith towards the Lord and caught a hold of the end of his jacket. Whatever I see Jesus doing in the Bible, I can do too in Jesus name. Did you realise that's what He gave you?

Hallelujah!

Comfort.

2010-07-05T14:25:00.003+10:00

Loving my new background. It's a trip. It's the kind of image I wish I could paint. A splash here. A nonchalant drizzle there. Brilliant colour mixed and mashed. I guess it's what I do with flowers.

Am confronting the thought of moving. It's the first time I've ever had to move house but not had that joyful excitement that comes with new beginnings. It's been a tough year for us and we've just had to man up, take it on the chin and all that crap. I'm not looking forward, I don't have any kind of vision for our future, I'm just enduring it at the moment. It's sad how life slaps you in the face once and you're fearful for the next three years as a result. [sigh]

I know God is with me. But I'm still hurting. I haven't got a revelation of God the Comforter yet. I know I will, though. That is this year's challenge,.... to find the God of all Comfort. Where are you?

Genesis 5:29
He named him Noah and said, "He will comfort us in the labor and painful toil of our hands caused by the ground the LORD has cursed."

Hanging out with Paula

2010-06-25T15:07:00.000+10:00

whatever.

PGX Daily Ultra Matrix Softgels: A review of the first five days

2010-05-19T09:27:00.004+10:00

I decided to try out this high-tech fibre supplement after reading about it in How to Prevent and Treat Diabetes with Natural Medicine by Murray & Lyon. I will preface my review by saying PGX is useful because of its clinically-proven ability to reduce blood sugars, blood pressure and cholesterol. If you need it for fibre, I think there might be some products out there that are easier to take.

Also, it is clearly indicated that you need to drink heaps of water with this product because it can absorb more than a hundred times (I read somewhere 400x or was it 700x?) its own weight in water. This can create dehydration in your body if you don't drink enough water. This is a no-brainer, so when you're reading reviews that talk about headaches, it's more than likely that they didn't drink enough water. [Rant over]

Day 1
Dose: 1 x 750mg tablet before breakfast, 1 x 750mg tablet before dinner.
BMI = 33.9

The PGX tablets are huge - like horse tablets! By the time I'd taken one tablet and drunk the requisite 250ml of water, I felt nauseous. Over the next hour I forced down another cup of water.

Day 2
Dose: 1 x 750mg tablet before each main meal

I could definitely notice a stability in my hunger levels today. I really didn't feel hungry right into the afternoon.

Taking the tablets makes me nauseous. I have been drinking 1 litre of water with each tablet and still feeling thirsty and slightly overheated / feverish. I've had a headache this afternoon which I'm attributing to dehydration, so I'm drinking more water.

I'm bloated with water and weeing constantly.

Day 3
Dose: 1 x 750mg tablet before meals

I woke in the night extremely thirsty and headachey. This gave me a bit of a fright. I drank close to 600mls of water and went back to sleep. I woke up needing to wee a few hours later.

It scares me that this supplement could be hammering my kidneys! I hope it doesn't continue like this or I won't be able to keep taking PGX.

After last night, I stayed at yesterdays dose, with 600 mls of water to wash down each tablet. In the next hour after each dose, I sipped another cup or so of water.

If I have to go on drinking close to 6 litres of water a day, I won't be able to do this. It could be a deal breaker. That said, the appetite suppresant is noticable. I don't have any cravings between meals, I don't have any blood sugar swings. As a PCOS veteran of 25 years, and having had insulin-dependant gestational diabetes, I know what blood sugar swings are like, and I didn't have any. This is a revelation to me! I feel so stable. I noticed myself making a couple of healthier choices that I wouldn't normally make.

Day 4
Dose: 2 x 750mg tablet before each main meal

I really want to get to an effective dose (Not that it hasn't been effective so far!) so I'm taking two tablets before each meal today. I had the brekky dose at morning tea time today because I really want normal blood pressure medication to be well absorbed. It was only an hour or two until lunch time so I didn't have a dose at lunch, I had it at afternoon tea.

Even an hour or two after the dose, it had a clear appetite suppressing effect. I think that my blood sugars are more stable too. I am not noticing the blood sugar swings that are so typical of my normal day.

My lunch was a smaller portion. I nibbled fruit mid-afternoon. Normally it would be something really high carb like biscuits or crackers to top me up, but I didn't feel like I needed it.

Same at dinner. I ate smaller portions. By dinner, or even the lunch dose, I noticed that I could take those horse tablets and wash 600mls of water down in about three gulps and without nausea. It seems I'm adjusting to it. This is good.

Day 5
Dose: 3 x 750mg tablets before meals

I'm increasing the dose to 3 tablets before each meal today. I really want to get up to the dose that is medically significant for reducing blood sugar levels - from my reading it's between 4 and 6 tablets per meal.

I took 3 tablets before breakfast.

I plan to take my medication mid-morning, well after this dose. I read that you need to allow 3 - 4 hours for PGX to go down before you take any medication and you need to take it at least 1 hour before you have any more PGX. I'll take my blood pressure medication and a multi-vitamin around 11am today.

I think I'll start testing my fasting glucose (ie. thumb-prick test before eating in the morning) and maybe the occasional blood pressure reading. Along with my BMI, it will be a record of how the PGX is working on me. That should be interesting to see. (-:

I'm glad the extreme nausea and thirst has subsided. The headaches were concerning. I don't know how much was dehydration and how much was the poor absorption of my afternoon cup of coffee!!

Stay tuned for more comments on my PGX experiences. I really hope it helps me. I need a tool to help me start eating properly. It's such a battle.

The slightly-revised 20 day fast.

2010-03-21T01:19:00.002+10:00

This afternoon I made an executive call and ended my fast. I celebrated with Scott and Grace. We shared a heavy coffee and a block of chocolate. The chocolate was lovely, the coffee was ho-hum. I have two issues with coffee at the moment. Firstly, the caffeine does me no favours. Secondly, the presence of dairy concerns me as it is not the wonderchild of a superfood and according to my reading, causes the body extra work in its digestion.

Coffee is so insidious though. It felt so normal to drink it again and I thought it hardly seems like I stopped for 20 days. Then upon reflection I realised it wasn't 20 days. It took me about 5 to wean myself off, so I really only stopped for about 15 days. An hour or so after that coffee, I found myself thinking that I'd really like another one of those. I really had to pull myself up or I would have just marched out to the kitchen on some kind of autopilot and made one. [sigh] Habits don't die easy.

There was some guilt associated with ending the fast early. And there was even more at introducing dairy to my vegan fast last weekend. I apologise for not blogging about it but I've been going through a lot of personal/work challenges in the past week, not to mention struggling to cope with this fast. While the first half of the fast was spiritual, the second half was just holding on. Adding diary to the fast felt like a cop out to keep myself sane and try to help myself to stick with the fast.

Looking back, my fast was far from perfect. But I learned something from my imperfect attempt. It was that there was value, even in my imperfection. The fast showed me that I could control what I ate, I could control my reactions. I learned that I could use alternatives to help me cope - especially with the major disappointment of not winning the BHAG house.

Towards the end of the fast my attitude stank. I was tired and ready for it to be finished. I agonised for the last week with guilt for introducing diary and then guilt for finishing early. It was almost as if I was conceding defeat this afternoon by ending it early. In a way, I was.

I have experienced the great GRACE of God in the past few hours as I dwelled on my imperfection. It's like God is telling me I value your efforts. I'm glad you tried. It's not all or nothing. There is great value in what you've done. You've learned lessons in coping, lessons about yourself,... you've trusted me. You've been humble and you've been humbled.

The revelation that there was value in imperfection inspired me. I instantly started vaccuuming and cleaning the bathroom because it didn't matter if it was perfect or complete anymore. What matttered was that I make an effort. After two hours cleaning and scrubbing, I felt fantastic.

I learned something and I believe God broke the spirit of '"Perfectionism" off my life.

Hallelujah and Amen.

The ache of detoxification.

2010-03-21T01:14:00.003+10:00

Forgot to mention here the aching pains I got in my legs around days 7 - 9 of the fast. They were enough to keep me awake at night. I assume it was my body detoxing. Perhaps it was to do with the caffeine.

I am completely off caffeine now, which feels great. I will allow myself the odd social coffee with friends, but I'm not going to drink it at home or on my own. I'll stick to herbal teas at those times. I don't want to subject my body to the rigours of daily caffeine use, when it becomes so dependent on it. I was a regular 3 cup a day drinker with 2 decafs in the later part of the day. I would get a headache if I missed my morning coffee, but missing others would just make me grumpy. Now, I'm fine without it and if I get offered one, I don't particularly want it.

Along similar lines, I used to be quite addicted to Coke Zero too. I don't even want one. I'd rather drink water or juice. I'm not missing it. That is saving me quite a bit of money.

Bargain.

Noticing a distinct drop in cravings,...

2010-03-10T21:41:00.002+10:00

The caffeine cravings are long gone so we can all rejoice in that. But what I've noticed is that my desire for hot drinks is fading too. It seems there is nothing really keeping me attracted to them,... after all, herbal tea has no caffeine hit. I drink it without milk so there are not even any calories. In this heat, I don't even want to drink it. I have been drinking plenty of water and a little bit of fruit juice.

But one other craving really surprised me yesterday. I worked an 8+ hour day on my feet in a busy florist shop. We always stop for lunch but we don't tend to stop for morning tea unless it's dead. Needless to say, we were pretty busy yesterday and didn't stop to eat. I normally find myself walking out of the shop at 5pm-ish feeling ravenous and looking for the nearest chocolate bar / crisps / carb-dense thing I can get my hands on. But not yesterday. Yesterday, I walked to the car after work and I had not eaten morning tea or afternoon tea. No cappucino mid-afternoon to keep me going, no muesli bar or cakey-thing. I was very surprised to find that I wasn't even hungry at 5pm. I had an apple in my bag and munched it during the drive home, but the muesli bar and banana were left untouched.

It is so unlike me, that this is the point in my fast where I start thinking about the changes this is having on my body. As someone with PCOS / insulin resistance, the carbohydrate pendulum is swinging furiously day and night, going from absolute hunger to insulin overload in a rhythmic swing throughout the day. Doing this Daniel Fast interrupts that swing and the insulin production slows dramatically and with it, my cravings for food. I recognise this sensation from last time I fasted, the difference being that I'm fasting for 21 days this time, not 10.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to take this dietary sense of calm forward. I'm hoping that in future I'll be able to get through my work days, on my feet and running around, without feeling hungry for hollow carbs. It is, after all, the other food groups that are meeting most of my needs throughout the day. Nutritionist Cindy O'Meara says carbs are great for making you feel sleepy in the evening and questions why anyone would eat them at breakfast,.... but many people do.

So there is a sense of excitement as I continue with this fast. Previous attempts would have stopped at this point - day 10 - but for me, this is the part where I try and make all these positive changes a part of my daily routine. We'll see how it goes.

BTW: I don't think I won the home Better Homes & Gardens were giving away at Brightwater. They partied there all day yesterday and not only was I not invited, but they rubbed it in my face all day long on our local radio station, 91.1FM. Cruel. It was absolutely heartless!!!!! Notice that I didn't resort to old coping mechanisms like comfort food? Even when I was really disappointed? Progress, my friends, in the face of adversity. Yay me!!!!

I love the Shunnamite Woman

2010-03-05T10:12:00.005+10:00

Re-reading the post about the Shunnamite Woman just makes me cry. God will give me a house. I know He will. He gave me a child when I was barren all those years. He gave me, the girl who couldn't have kids and tried everything, a gorgeous little girl. I do believe in miracles. I do.

In the photo: The gorgeous little girl - aka Gracey the Rock Chick - all partied out after singing too much 'Livin on a prayer' by Bon Jovi.

Day 4 - Recipes and Ideas

2010-03-04T22:14:00.004+10:00

While doing my Daniel Fast, I've been eating a vegan diet. It makes breakfast hard, because cereal is not so nice without cows milk and, frankly, I'm not keen on soy milk or rice milk. They just taste yuk. I'd rather not have milk than drink that stuff. I know that makes me sound fussy, but I would seriously rather make my porridge with water and throw a bit of fruit on top of it, than to try to convince my tastebuds that soy milk tastes as good as cows milk.

Anyway, here are some of the recipes I've been playing around with on my fast.

Brekky Hash
This was inspired by Nigella's Brekky Hash - but she has bacon.

1 x tomato diced
1 x decent sized mushroom sliced
1 x Good handful of baby spinach leaves
1 x splash of extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper
Parsley if you have it.

Stir-fry all ingredients on a med-high heat until hot and spinach is wilted, around 3 - 5 minutes.

Serve on toasted wholegrain / sourdough bread or alongside some baked beans.

Optional idea: add some sliced fresh chilli to the mix.

Tainton's Carrot Salad

Grated carrot
Shredded coconut
Slivered almonds
Blackcurrants

Toast the coconut and roast the almonds. Toss all the ingredients together into a bowl and enjoy it. It works best with baby carrots because they are naturally sweet.

Date stuffed apples
These apples literally have their dates stuffed with apples.

Granny smith apple
Date (1 per apple)
Honey
Cinnamon

Remove the core from granny smith apple, leaving a clean hole in the centre. Run a horizontal slit around the skin so that the apple can swell on cooking. Stuff the apple hole with the date. Top it with a drizzle of honey and some cinnamon. Bake in the oven on 200c for approximately 20 minutes. This would be nice with accompaniments but none of them are included on my fast so I ate it straight.

A couple of ideas that work well in a vegan fast:

Sushi Rolls with Vegetable Fillings
Thai Rice Paper Rolls.

Pride comes before a,....

2010-03-03T12:19:00.004+10:00

Well, after yesterday's proud humility, comes the inevitable fall. I was out, jetsetting around the coast. I was prepared with nuts, fruit and boiling water in a thermos for some herbal tea. I'd drunk my one coffee for the day and,.... well, I confess,... I bought a coffee. Not only did I not need the coffee (since I had already drunk one an hour or two before), the coffee was not part of my fast and neither was the MILK it was made from.

I do feel like I have committed a monumental blunder here. I wonder about the implications for the rest of my fast. Does God turn his face away from me now? Do I have to pay some kind of fasting penance?

No. I do need to come before God and repent though. My heart,.... the heart attitude that made me buy that coffee when I didn't need one, was one of selfishness and pride. My focus was not on God but on me and my body and how nice it would make me feel to drink a warm milky coffee on this miserable rain-flooded day. Even as I ordered it, I felt guilty. Repentance is necessary,...

But I know that as I come to God with a sorry heart and seek forgiveness he will be faithful and just and He will give me more opportunities to draw near to Him.

Psalm 113

¹ Praise the LORD.
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.

² Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.

³ From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

⁴ The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.

⁵ Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,

⁶ who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?

⁷ He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

⁸ he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.

⁹ He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.

I love the promises of God. These are what I am holding out for with this fast. I am reminding God of the good promises He has made to me, the barren woman, who doesn't have enough money for a home.

Proud of myself,...

2010-03-02T22:15:00.002+10:00

I am proud of myself for being so humble. Sounds stupid, I know,... but what I mean is I'm proud of myself for laying my pride down at the Lord's feet through fasting. I'm really glad I've done this - even just for two days!!!

For two whole days my actions have showed the Lord that He is God in my life. Every meal and snack time is an opportunity to humble myself and honour God. Even if I collapse and crumble tomorrow, I will still be happy with myself for spending two days honouring God. If I can make it to 21, all the better!!!!

Q: How often in our busy lives do we set aside time for God?
A: Not very! We rush around from alarm clock to couch collapse doing things we will have forgotten all about in two months time.

But fasting has eternal significance. It is an act of worship and of breaking down strongholds. It glorifies God and it heals my body all at the same time. What a miracle!

So today, I felt closer to God than I have in a long time and it was because I had been obedient to His word. In 1 Samuel 15:22 it says to obey is better than sacrifice, meaning it is far better to do as God asks in the first place, than to sin and rely on the Grace of God. Obedience is joyful and abundant. Sacrifice carries with it scar tissue and regret.

Fast Day 1 - Caffeine Withdrawals

2010-03-01T23:40:00.003+10:00

The first day of my fast was harder than anticipated. The problem? Coffee. My body is used to having around three heavy coffees a day, and one or two decafs. I was planning to fast coffee as well as part of the Daniel Fast.

By lunch time I had one heck of a headache and was really churned up inside about the issue of coffee and this fast. I've done two Daniel Fasts previously and I did one each way. My rationale for keeping the coffee in was that I failed the first fast and fell apart after six days. I didn't want coffee cravings to be the reason for failing the entire fast and then beating myself up for it. After all, this is not a diet it is a spiritual endeavour.

So I've spent the entire day feeling a bit confused about what to do and how to cope with the headaches and cravings. My decision is this - I will drink a couple of coffees tomorrow because I'll be at work and the last thing I need while working is a headache. On Wednesday, though, I'll cut the coffees out and allow myself to detoxify. After all, isn't that the point of the fast? The headaches should be all gone by the time I have to work again.

Maybe coffee is one thing that would be good to give up completely as a result of this fast???? Herbal tea eg. peppermint tea has a lot fewer nasty side effects.

I spent some time in prayer today and even marvelled when God gave me an instant answer to a little request for help. All those headaches today prompted prayers that would not normally get prayed. I know that God is faithful and the other things I'm fasting and praying for will be high up on God's to do list this month.

My 21 day fast starts tomorrow

2010-02-28T23:28:00.002+10:00

I am doing a 21 day fast, starting tomorrow, in conjunction with the congregation at my Church. Jesus said not to make it obvious that you are fasting, but to get dressed, brush your hair and get on with your life. The whole point of fasting is to reconnect and revitalise your relationship with God, not to gain some kind of sympathy from your colleagues and friends. So why am I sharing it all here on my blog?

I want you to understand what it's like to fast. I want to share the sacrifices and struggles that go with it. I also want to share the miracles that happen as a result of my fast - I am expecting several! I have fasted before and failed before I reached my planned end date. So, as a strategy to help me make it to the end I have anticipated temptation and made plans to deal with it. Expect a blog entry about that on approximately day 6, if past experience is anything to go by.

There is a group of Church goals that we are believing for,.... but my understanding of the spiritual purpose of fasting is that it breaks strongholds. So, really, we are believing for the breaking down of strongholds that would prevent us from reaching our goals.

My personal stronghold and my lifelong battle that needs divine intervention is an addiction to food. I'm a foodie, a food junkie, a chocaholic, you name it I crave it! Food is my number 1 coping mechanism and boy, doesn't my waistline show it! I've even been counselled for a binge-eating disorder,... but some counsellors say it's not an eating disorder, it's just disordered eating. Either way, it's inappropriate and it puts food before God.

So, God has been leaning on me, as He does and his Holy Spirit has been speaking to me about doing this 21 day fast and laying down my food addiction once and for all. I know that it lies at the root of my struggles with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). So it is with humility and trepidation that I head off to bed tonight, knowing that from tomorrow morning all I will be eating are fruit, vegetables, nuts, seeds and wholegrains.

I'll blog daily through this time to explain more about the fast, the food, the rationale and the temptations. I'll tell you a little bit more about what I hope to gain from the experience and what I hope to do at the end of this 21 days. So stay tuned and return often for updates.

The stories of the Shunnamite Woman

2010-01-29T20:07:00.002+10:00

2 Kings 4:8-17 - The Lord gives her a son

8 One day Elisha went to Shunem. And a well-to-do woman was there, who urged him to stay for a meal. So whenever he came by, he stopped there to eat. 9 She said to her husband, "I know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God. 10 Let's make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp for him. Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us."

11 One day when Elisha came, he went up to his room and lay down there. 12 He said to his servant Gehazi, "Call the Shunammite." So he called her, and she stood before him. 13 Elisha said to him, "Tell her, 'You have gone to all this trouble for us. Now what can be done for you? Can we speak on your behalf to the king or the commander of the army?' "She replied, "I have a home among my own people."

14 "What can be done for her?" Elisha asked. Gehazi said, "Well, she has no son and her husband is old."

15 Then Elisha said, "Call her." So he called her, and she stood in the doorway. 16 "About this time next year," Elisha said, "you will hold a son in your arms." "No, my lord," she objected. "Don't mislead your servant, O man of God!*"

17 But the woman became pregnant, and the next year about that same time she gave birth to a son, just as Elisha had told her.

*Some versions say "Don't get my hopes up".

2 Kings 4:18-37 - The Lord restores her son's life

18 The child grew, and one day he went out to his father, who was with the reapers. 19 "My head! My head!" he said to his father. His father told a servant, "Carry him to his mother." 20 After the servant had lifted him up and carried him to his mother, the boy sat on her lap until noon, and then he died. 21 She went up and laid him on the bed of the man of God, then shut the door and went out.

22 She called her husband and said, "Please send me one of the servants and a donkey so I can go to the man of God quickly and return."

23 "Why go to him today?" he asked. "It's not the New Moon or the Sabbath." "It's all right," she said.

24 She saddled the donkey and said to her servant, "Lead on; don't slow down for me unless I tell you." 25 So she set out and came to the man of God at Mount Carmel. When he saw her in the distance, the man of God said to his servant Gehazi, "Look! There's the Shunammite! 26 Run to meet her and ask her, 'Are you all right? Is your husband all right? Is your child all right?'" "Everything is all right," she said.

27 When she reached the man of God at the mountain, she took hold of his feet. Gehazi came over to push her away, but the man of God said, "Leave her alone! She is in bitter distress, but the LORD has hidden it from me and has not told me why."

28 "Did I ask you for a son, my lord?" she said. "Didn't I tell you, 'Don't raise my hopes'?"

29 Elisha said to Gehazi, "Tuck your cloak into your belt, take my staff in your hand and run. If you meet anyone, do not greet him, and if anyone greets you, do not answer. Lay my staff on the boy's face."

30 But the child's mother said, "As surely as the LORD lives and as you live, I will not leave you." So he got up and followed her.

31 Gehazi went on ahead and laid the staff on the boy's face, but there was no sound or response. So Gehazi went back to meet Elisha and told him, "The boy has not awakened."

32 When Elisha reached the house, there was the boy lying dead on his couch. 33 He went in, shut the door on the two of them and prayed to the LORD. 34 Then he got on the bed and lay upon the boy, mouth to mouth, eyes to eyes, hands to hands. As he stretched himself out upon him, the boy's body grew warm. 35 Elisha turned away and walked back and forth in the room and then got on the bed and stretched out upon him once more. The boy sneezed seven times and opened his eyes.

36 Elisha summoned Gehazi and said, "Call the Shunammite." And he did. When she came, he said, "Take your son." 37 She came in, fell at his feet and bowed to the ground. Then she took her son and went out.

2 Kings 8:1-6 - The Lord restores her home

1 Now Elisha had said to the woman whose son he had restored to life, "Go away with your family and stay for a while wherever you can, because the LORD has decreed a famine in the land that will last seven years." 2 The woman proceeded to do as the man of God said. She and her family went away and stayed in the land of the Philistines seven years.

3 At the end of the seven years she came back from the land of the Philistines and went to the king to beg for her house and land. 4 The king was talking to Gehazi, the servant of the man of God, and had said, "Tell me about all the great things Elisha has done." 5 Just as Gehazi was telling the king how Elisha had restored the dead to life, the woman whose son Elisha had brought back to life came to beg the king for her house and land. Gehazi said, "This is the woman, my lord the king, and this is her son whom Elisha restored to life." 6 The king asked the woman about it, and she told him. Then he assigned an official to her case and said to him, "Give back everything that belonged to her, including all the income from her land from the day she left the country until now."

Wow. This is a powerful old testament story. We tend to attribute amazing miracles to Jesus, but Elisha has some fantastic ones. In fact, if you think about the Biblical principle of 'first mention' then these were powerful examples and faith builders for Jesus. I imagine Him, as a young boy, hearing these stories read aloud in the temple and growing in faith. Over the years I have learned so much about the barren Shunamite woman. I felt her pain. I begged God time and again not to get my hopes up. Hope is far too painful when it's dashed.

Lately, probably as part of reflecting on my goals for the year, I've been considering what is important to me, things I'd like to see happen this year. One of these, is that I'd like to have a house. We've been renting for years and it's wearing thin. I'd dearly love my own home. So, I might have prayed a prayer or two about it in the past week or two.

When Better Homes and Garden announced their competition to win a home on the Sunshine Coast, I found myself salivating. Wouldn't it be great to win a home? My self talk went something like "Don't be stupid. You wouldn't win that home! [pause] Why not? Somebody has got to win that competition and it might as well be me. Why not me? Why couldn't it be me?"

But this morning, while praying about my goals, about my desire for a home, about this competition, I just randomly flipped open my Bible. It landed open at 2 Kings 8, a story I had never read before starring a woman I knew well and related to as a kindred spirit. We shared the pain of infertility and it sucked. But here she was, begging for the return of her home and being blessed abundantly for it. She shared with the King about what Elisha had done for her and God was glorified for it.

Wow. That story is filling me with faith for my dream this year - to have my own home again.

Get yourself organised.

2010-01-29T16:17:00.001+10:00

I have to admit, a tidy decluttered home is my version of mecca. It definitely seems like an unattainable goal,... just like losing 20 kg and being a respectable 75 kg. I wish!!! Ugh.

Anyway, we all need a little help along the way and Simple Mom have some great articles on organising and decluttering. One of my favourites is using your super tall glamourous spaghetti vase (that only gets fresh flowers put in it once or twice a year) as storage for spare toilet rolls in the loo. Nice.

Here's the URL: http://simplemom.net/

Return often.

Writing Routines.

2010-01-23T20:26:00.003+10:00

I have been dabbling on twitter lately. You can find me at www.twitter.com/annajharris. In the process, I came across one of my old favourite bloggers, Hugh MacLeod at Gaping Void. If you haven't seen his blog, it's worth a visit. He is amazing cartoonist who likes to look at the world from a the perspective of a slightly cynical marketer. He knows the jargon, but he doesn't necessarily believe it. I like him. I love his cartoons. I love his take on creativity. I love his brevity - he draws cartoons on business cards. Nice.

Anyway, the point? He shared a link to another blog called daily routines. This blog shares interviews with all manner of artists, writers and creatives about the daily routines that couch their creative process. I find it incredibly interesting because as a writer, I understand the value of the daily process. It's almost like an athlete training. It keeps your brain fit, it keeps your hands fit, it keeps your ideas growing and developing. It's hard to demonstrate, but when you write every day for a decent length of time, you begin to understand it. Suddenly, you are like a plant in season and all the buds begin to swell and get a bit of colour on them, petals unfurl and something is born.

Writing is organic,... I'm glad to see myself writing again. This is a good thing. It's almost a lost art for me but gee, I need it. It is such good stress management for me. [sigh]

Psalm 131 (New International Version)

2010-01-12T22:32:00.003+10:00

Psalm 131

A song of ascents. Of David.

¹ My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

² But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

³ O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

What a precious picture,... a baby at peace in its mother's arms. I just had to share that. There are so many great Psalms, but this was particularly special. Lay in the arms of the Lord, allow Him to hold you close. He will protect you and calm your soul. The amplified Bible says that there is no more 'fretting' so chill out!

Cucumbersome - another blog I love at the moment

2009-08-29T10:00:00.003+10:00

This blog has some lovely things and heck, anyone that shares my stationery fetish must be a very cool individual. What led me to this blog was her Instructable on making a leather necklace. Nice, simple, adaptable to a belt or bracelet or handbag strap. Whatever. Nice idea. Must share such wonderful simple ideas,...

A fashion DIY blog

2009-08-25T15:07:00.002+10:00

Well, everyone knows how much I love to make things. That's a given, right?

One of the Facebook groups I subscribe to posted some gorgeous little DIY projects from a blog called ...Love Maegan. They're just delicious and very inventive and do-able so I had to share it all with you and store it in a place I'd remember for future reference.

There is even a DIY for converting an old leather skirt in to the wild thigh-high boots you see in the photo. Varooom. My favourites are probably some of the necklaces and belts. Nice blog to visit and be inspired by.

Duct tape bags without the ugly.

2009-07-31T10:39:00.003+10:00

Consider my sewing machine truly done and dusted. Hurrah.

Ultimate Duct tape purse

Ultimate Duct tape bag

How to run a florist shop,...

2009-07-09T12:31:00.002+10:00

I'm stoked. Two lovely people have gone to the bother of explaining all of the issues involved in starting and running a florist shop. This gives me a blueprint for my dream of running a florist shop. Open a flower shop is an American site, written by a florist with solid industry experience. While Startup's Florist Shop page is clearly written by a business startup expert with no floristry experience. I think both sites present really solid information with perspectives that are both needed.

It would be really nice to run my own florist studio. Nice, indeed.

I just can not get enough of cardboard construction!

2009-07-05T18:22:00.003+10:00

Here, we have an amazing collection of cardboard innnovation. I'm not sure which one is my favourite,... probably the very simple cardboard room divider because it's an idea I can easily flog off with.

Bathroom clean in 9 minutes?

2009-07-02T20:35:00.002+10:00

The illustrious Shannon Lush claims that she cleans her bathroom in 9 minutes. I'm a cynic, but I really want this to be true. It always takes me hours to scrub the crap and mould out of my bathroom.

She also makes these claims that old pantyhose are the best cleaning cloths known to man,... it's almost enough to make me want to wear the darn things, just so there will be some old worn out ones on hand for cleaning.

Gorgeous Kids Castle made from cardboard boxes!

2009-07-01T12:14:00.004+10:00

I am absolutely loving this idea by Mr McGroovy. It sure is groovy, Sir.

I am working on one of these for Grace's 4th Birthday in August. I've just lined up 8 refrigerator boxes thanks to a very nice lady at a refrigerator delivery company. Stay tuned for the photos of the final project,... the pic here is what it should look like, according to Mr McGroovy.

Playing with Food

2009-06-26T16:58:00.002+10:00

I have been reading the Evil Mad Scientist's Playing with Food section and I am just overwhelmed. There is so much fun on these pages,... I just don't know which one to share with you!

There are edible googly eyes, lolly lovehearts with your own customizable messages, circuitry snacks (a nod to my previous life at the School of Computer Science and Software Engineering), instructions on how to cook your hot dogs by electrocution, Pacman pappadums, the competitive sport of marguarita stacking, pretzelized pilcrows (the paragraph symbol),...

This is a ten year old boys idea of heaven and, frankly, I'm not too far behind him!

The lovely photo above is of an italian salad, Insalata Caprese, pimped with a little bit of olive to look like eyeballs. When reading the Evil Mad Scientist site's "Playing with Food" section, there is obviously no limit to their imagination. Enjoy.

Pimp your filing cabinet.

2009-06-26T16:40:00.002+10:00

Filing cabinets have got to be one of the ugliest mo-fos in the world of furniture. They are definitely function over form. But I have found a technique for covering them with something nice like wallpaper that could turn an eyesore into eye candy. Check it out.

Organics,...

2009-06-26T16:25:00.002+10:00

I think it's so important to consider the impact of our waste products upon the earth. We can't just keep doing the landfill thing indefinitely. I'd like to have a compost heap or a worm farm,... in a rental unit a worm farm is probably more suitable than a compost heap. Check out a good summary of both composting and worm farming online here on Moreton Bay Regional Council's fact sheet on composting and worm farming. Nice.

A hundred blogs that will make your more organised.

2009-05-21T09:24:00.002+10:00

I need more organisation in my life.

Here's a hundred blogs that will make me more productive. I must read them. I must read them all.

It's on my to do list,... OK?

enjoying the emotion. reflecting on my past.

2009-05-16T17:33:00.002+10:00

I've been reflecting on my past, trying to establish where all this damn PCOS started and why. I've been trying to build a bridge and get over it. Somehow it's not that easy. It would be easier to have someone lop off my head and replace it with a prettier more intelligent one. Anyway, it was nice to read the ramblings at bless the mess. because they reminded me of my then - age 20 - and my now - age 36 and in chaos. It reminds me, too, that Christianity doesn't have to be coated with cheese. (Following on from that, Chris Goins blog is interesting too - but far more preachy.)

I'm starting the Daniel Fast tomorrow. I can not wait any longer. My health is failing and I need something of a miracle to help me through. There are several versions, a 10 day one, a 21 day one, a 40 day one. My last attempt lasted 5 days but had a significant impact on my health. Please pray for me as I embark on a very important 10 day version.

Furoshiki, wow.

2009-05-08T22:47:00.003+10:00

I'm quite taken at the moment by Furoshiki, the Japanese method of gift wrapping. It is lovely and creative and has a practical edge to it too. This technique can be used for carrying and protecting items as well as gifts, so it is a method well worth learning. I must go and find some square of fabric large enough to practise on.

There are some sites that include techniques, but for some reason they're not printable. Oh well, go there and have a look anyway. Perhaps you'll have a photographic memory. If so, you're doing better than me.

Bye now.

Quote of the Day

2009-04-29T14:52:00.002+10:00

"I'm going to stick a sausage down your throat and starving dogs up your arse."
- Deb Mailman, quoting someone else on Black Chicks Talking.

ANZAC Day

2009-04-25T11:16:00.001+10:00

I saw a kid marchin’ with medals on his chest.
He marched alongside Diggers marching six abreast.
He knew that it was ANZAC Day - he walked along with pride.
He did his best to keep in step with the Diggers by his side.

And when the march was over the kid was rather tired.
A Digger said “Whose medals, son?” to which the kid replied:
“They belong to daddy, but he did not come back.
He died up in New Guinea on a lonely jungle track”.

The kid looked rather sad then and a tear came to his eye.
The Digger said “Don’t cry my son and I will tell you why.
Your daddy marched with us today - all the blooming way.
We Diggers know that he was there - it’s like that on ANZAC Day”.

The kid looked rather puzzled and didn’t understand,
But the Digger went on talking and started to wave his hand.
“For this great land we live in, there’s a price we have to pay
For we all love fun and merriment in this country where we live.
The price was that some soldier his precious life must give.

For you to go to school my lad and worship God at will,
Someone had to pay the price so the Diggers paid the bill.
Your daddy died for us my son - for all things good and true.
I wonder if you understand the things I’ve said to you”.

The kid looked up at the Digger - just for a little while
And with a changed expression, said, with a lovely smile:
“I know my dad marched here today - this is ANZAC Day.
I know he did. I know he did, all the bloomin’ way”.

D. Hunter
(A veteran of Shaggy Ridge with the 2/12 Battalion in WW2)

From: www.anzacday.org.au

I lost my paternal grandfather in the war,... couldn't even tell you exactly which one. But I don't need Anzac Day to remind me how sad it is that I never met him. All need do is think about my dad and how he lived his life. His childhood was destroyed because he didn't have a dad to care for him. His mother had to work day and night to care for 3, and later 4 boys. My dad's history is littered with years spent in childrens' homes around Sydney because his mother was unable to work and care for all 3 kids. He was forced to grow up far too young. He was made to fight for himself, for food and shelter. He learned how to do the laundry and the housework the hard way because he had to. Whenever I hear about the war my heart aches,... not for the grandfather I never knew, but for the dad I did know who never knew his dad.

My dad was in the national ballot in the 60s, I'm so glad he never got called up. I think God protected all of us that time. He is the father to the fatherless.

My handy floristry bookmarks

2009-04-25T11:14:00.003+10:00

Chain of Life Network - A wonderful collection of well-researched horticultural information. Includes information for growers and florists.

E-Jay Trading's Online Floristry Course - a very detailed blog written by a talented florist and floristry trainer named Evie

Ezy Bouquet - real florists hate this idea, but the whole notion of 'recipes' makes me think rather logically about what I include in a bouquet and why. Call it revision of the elements and principles of design,...

Flora's Feast - a Cafepress store with gorgeous floral designs

Florist Susan Avery - provides some nice fact sheets and useful information

Florists' Review 101 Wedding Bouquets - a preview of an inspirational floristry book via google books

Florists' Review - site of the well established American floral industry magazine. Good source of inspiration and brief instructions. Click on 'In this issue' to access previews of current and past issues.

Floriculture Australia - Fresh flower grower / wholesaler with great website and some useful care information.

Flower Arrangement Advisor - Great general theory & tips on floristry

Flowergoss - It's like Facebook for Florists. Cool.

Flowers On Board - Floristry wholesaler with some good photos of plants and a broad range of products

Hidden Garden Flowers

Open Directory of Flower / Greenery Wholesalers

Market Fresh Flowers Page - wonderful flower care information direct from the Melbourne Flower Markets. Nice. Specific to Australia, or should I say, the cooler southern states of Australia.

Ray's Florist Blog - lots of good information and tutorials.

Save on Crafts - a handy site with lots of floristry tutorials

Super Floral Retailing - monthly magazine previews include good flower care information and design ideas.

There's also a site called ubloom, google it if you're still after floristry information and none of my other bookmarks have helped you. Frankly, they rate a mention but not a link. They have a bit of information but mostly it's just a big fat ad.

Visions of Silk Blog - tips on working with artificial flowers

My handy bookmarks

2009-04-25T11:13:00.006+10:00

ABC TV Site

Brisbane City Library Catalogue

Catalogue Central - for the junk mail junkie (See also Lasoo)

Crafster's ultimate purse, bags & wallets tutorials list

Craft Bits

Ebay About Me page

Exclusively Food - absolutely delicious recipes

Facebook

Farmgirl fare - check out the pizza recipe

Fit Day - diet and exercise journal

Fresh For Kids - Healthy Food info for kids (and grown ups too)

Frugal Families Blog

Frugal Hacks

Frugal Living About.com

Frugal Upstate

Google

Google Australia

Harris Adventures Blog

Heather Castle - Illustrator

Ikea hacker

Instructables

Lasoo - More for the catalogue junkie

Matching Pegs - Blog of old pal, Claire. V. Crafty and colourful.

My Cycle - Online cycle tracker complete with e-mail alerts.

Naturally Tasty - Awesome recipes, if I do say so myself.

Our Daily Bread Devotional - updated daily

PCOS Association of Australia

Snipshot - online photo manipulation

The Cook and The Chef - Maggie and Simon!

The Dollar Stretcher

Thrifty Fun

TV Guide in Brisbane Tonight

Vine & Branches

"Flowers are God's calling cards"

2009-04-16T09:32:00.003+10:00

I have been having a little bit of fun with fd's Flickr Toys. This is the 'motivator' but I can't wait to try the mosaic and the 'Hockneyizer' - a type of photo collage. hehehe. Let's play. This will be fun!

Take care everybody,... don't get RSI in your mouse arm like I have. sigh.

The Glamelia Corsage.

2009-04-15T15:25:00.002+10:00

Here's a gorgeous idea from Florists' Review, the Glamelia Corsage. This design is created by wiring several gladioli petals together to give the appearance of a camelia. Why? Practicality. Colour choice. If you're using glads for wedding centrepieces, why not use a couple of blooms for Nanna's cute corsage???

I actually went to Florists' Review to find out some flower care info, but got distracted (for about 2 hours) looking at their gorgeous designs and accompanying instructions.

Here's what I went there for in the first place! Flower care info for my darn floristry assignment.

Links I'm loving.

2009-04-13T19:36:00.003+10:00

Nothing Design - Asian design philosophy, amazing ideas. I have many favourites among their products but this shadow bench is pretty special.

U Bloom - a nice floristry portal of sorts.

Style Statement: Live by your own design - sounds like something I'm craving,... Hmmm. Not am I even living by God's design at the moment. I feel like I'm living by someone else's design,... someone who's pushy and controlling and thinks it's funny. Someone I used to defend in mixed company,...

Enough of my bitter struggles. Check out my links instead. They're nice. They're worth returning to. I don't want to forget them or have them lost in a sea of my bookmarks.

[sigh]

Hope your Easter Monday was filled with rejoicing because Christ is Risen. Don't forget that tidbit of Good News.

Another florist to learn from.

2009-03-15T16:23:00.003+10:00

I love love LOVE this florist because they think outside the square. Floristry skills are not just useful for floral tributes, they're transferrable to other things too. A touch of class florist in Perth does balloon bouquets, lolly bouquets, chocolate bouquets, nappy cakes, and more but they do them in a nice way that does not look tacky. I'm impressed with their work.

While we're on about balloons, here's a link to some instructions for making a balloon topiary tree. I attempted one as a gift for Scott today. I have some way to go. I hope he liked it anyway. Happy 13th Anniversary, Scott.

Totally blown away,...

2009-02-15T09:39:00.002+10:00

Just been viewing the amazing website of Grandiflora. Totally blown away.

Am currently contemplating a florist in Brisbane to approach regarding my vocational prac for my floristry course. It's hard to find any that compare to this,... and I would feel completely unworthy approaching such a magnificent florist too.

Garlands looks pretty special too.

The most inspirational florist I've stumbled across in Brisbane has to be Divine Flowers. It's a possibility for my prac, I guess. It's on the same side of town as we are. Their work is Gorgeous. With names like 'Red Hedge', 'Lipstick', 'Chilli' and the most obvious 'I love you', their designs are truly alluring. Go fetch.

Supermarket Catalogues

2009-02-08T12:27:00.003+10:00

For a while now, I've been doing the very tightwad thing of comparing prices for my groceries. I do this by creating a price book in an excel spreadsheet and recording and comparing apples with apples. This was described in detail in the Tightwad Gazette and is a key strategy to saving money on things you regularly buy - especially the non-perishables. Knowledge is power when you have your own reliable records of supermarket pricing and you can act when a bargain is more than just catalogue hype and is ACTUALLY cheaper than normal, or cheaper than the supermarket down the road.

So, for convenience sake, I am going to post the links here to various supermarkets from my area. It saves me having a house full of junk mail! Instead, I can just check prices online before I do my shopping list.

Aldi (Specials posted in advance but generally apply from Thursdays)
Big W
Bi-Lo
Coles (Updated Thursdays, Location currently set to Toombul)
K-Mart
Mrs Flannerys - Only posts specials for the first Saturday of the Month
Woolworths (Updated Mondays, Location currently set to Nundah)

Here are some general catalogue sites that are pretty useful for comparison shopping. Save yourself some serious leg work before you go shopping.

Australian Catalogues (Home) - Groceries (Direct link) - This site includes K-Mart, Ikea, Big W, Myer, David Jones, Retravision, Harvey Norman. Handy!
Lasoo - This site includes some of the above, plus Target, Toys R US, Sams Warehouse.
Catalogue Central - This site includes Freedom, IGA, Telstra, Teds Camera House and more.
Oz Bargain - This site appears useful, but also appears to require registration. It is more 'user' based than 'store' based, with people posting specials they have come across. Appears to have lots of cheap airfares.

The No S Diet by Reinhard Engels

2009-01-31T09:59:00.003+10:00

I love this diet idea. It's a really simple set of rules to follow:

No Sweets (foods where main ingredient is sugar)
No Snacks (between meals)
No Seconds
Except on days that start with S (weekends, special occasions, sick days)

I've given you some extra explanation to help your understanding of this diet, but in reality it is so simple. It is designed to fit in with our psychological tendencies. There is no deprivation in this diet, just waiting until meal time and a LOT of commonsense.

Even the crazy exercise program Reinhard suggests, the Shoveglove, is based on the psychologically insignificant timeframe of 14 minutes. I'm impressed. I'm really impressed.

Reinhard talks occasionally about the spiritual aspects of this diet,... but he doesn't really highlight them. I imagine he's referring to the deprivations and obsessions that so often occur when dieting begins. I can actually see in its detail some Biblical principles. Firstly, that each meal is not to be taken lightly, but to be appreciated and savoured. If it is not both delicious and nutritious, then it is not serving any real purpose. When you only have 3 plates of food a day, you make them count.

Not that Reinhard say this, but this is the sentiment behind the laws of Leviticus - If food is eaten without attention (like a snack), without gratefulness, or without true regard for the animal who gave up its life so you could eat, then it probably amounts to gluttony. An animal is sacrificed to the Lord and then the Israelites would seek forgiveness from God. They only ate meat when their hearts were right before God. I think that's important. It's obviously something vegetarians are sensitive to - even if they don't believe in God. They're aware that in eating meat they are taking away a life that has value, so they don't eat it. In the Biblical book of Daniel, he is only too aware of this and asks to be fed only vegetables, pulses and water. He was one of the healthiest men in the King's Court.

That's a tangent,... but most of us are overweight because we're gluttons, plain and simple. That said, learning to eat 3 round meals a day and no more, is a significant change for our bodies to accomodate. But Reinhard says that psychologically and physically our bodies adjust to this. We learn a new way of eating and the weight drops off.

"What is the best way to determine my "ideal" weight? I don't think there is much point in having an ideal weight. Have ideal behavior -- habits of moderate eating and exertion. Whatever you weigh then is ideal."
- Reinhard Engels

I'll let you know how I go.

Could I do it too?

2009-01-04T09:04:00.003+10:00

Haven't posted for a while. Welcome to the silly season. I have only put on a couple of kilos during this year's silly season but it has been a really really uncomfortable one. A combination of heat, weight and PCOS and its complications has been really bringing me down. My body was doing well before this year's dose of IVF, but since I finished the IVF drugs I have not returned to normal. I have returned to something similar to what I was many years ago. It's not good.

Anyway, I found myself thinking some sad thoughts the other night. I'm not suicidal. I couldn't do that,... but I felt like I was just waiting to die. My body aches every day, my stomach only gets larger not smaller - frankly, I am beyond making efforts to get rid of the excess weight. When I found myself thinking those morbid thoughts, I realised it is time to consider drastic measures. It is time to do myself a favour.

As a result, I've been reading Bridget Parker's blog. I wonder if I could do it too.

[sigh]

Pet Peeve O' the day

2008-11-13T15:57:00.002+10:00

I hate the waay children's TV programs invent words. Poor Grace will grow up thinking lunarific and positooney are real words. Even worse, she'll probably grow up thinking "I will not ever never
eat a tomato" is a gramatically correct sentence.

[sigh]

I guess you can't believe everything you hear on TV. These seem like less than white lies in the scheme of things.

A reason for Mums to use one (just one) cloth nappy a day,...

2008-10-30T18:05:00.002+10:00

I've been giving this some thought. The thought of managing six or seven cloth nappies a day is pretty overwhelming and would add quite a bit of work to a busy mum's life.

However, if they just made the switch for one of those nappies each day, they would still save a significant amount of both money and landfill space. Think about this:

Based on an average cost per nappy of 42c each (I used Mums Happy Nappies prices for Baby Love and Huggies to get an average price), making the switch once a day could save $153.30 per year, while the landfill savings would be approximately one third of a tonne (based on the average volume of a full wet nappy). That's one third of the capacity of your average builder's ute.

It's worth considering,....

Deborah Conway - Still Alive and Brilliant

2008-10-21T20:53:00.006+10:00

A woman with smooth skin and big red lips, Deb opens her mouth unusually wide. She looks lovely on stage but is stunning on camera. Her photographic halo burns red on stage. She spits fire and rage out over the audience.

Deborah (Deb) Conway was born in Melbourne on 8 August 1959. Her schoolgirl photos are featured in the Jewish-Australian museum in Sydney.

Deborah's tall frame and photogenic features paid her way through uni and modelling was her first feminist soapbox. Her refusal to shave her legs and armpits cost occasional modelling jobs but her feminist values didn't stop her putting her ass behind the "Bluegr" for Bluegrass jeans .

It was 1979 when Deborah joined Melbourne band The Benders. Her father, a Toorak lawyer, sent her to a psychiatrist. He was convinced that since she had joined a band she would then take up drugs. She admits to a little experimentation. The Benders' drummer, Dorland Bray was her mentor. She wrote her first songs with him. It is rumoured she was best man at his wedding. Deborah became the vocalist for Sydney punk band Do Re Mi in 1981 and went on to have significant levels of chart success. Deb wrote their top selling single "Man Overboard," the first song on the Australian charts to have phrases like 'penis envy' and 'pubic hair' in the lyrics. She lived with Paul Hester at the time, best known as the drummer in Crowded House.

In 1988 Do Re Mi followed in the footsteps of Aussie greats like the Easybeats and AC/DC, going to the United Kingdom in search of international success. Virgin UK soon offered Do Re Mi a recording contract. Pete Townshend from The Who saw Deborah perform in a Do Re Mi video and offered her a role singing on his album, "Iron Man". Conway said "He's a charming, erudite man with lots of stories and the sessions were easy,… The direct result happened some time later. Virgin [UK], having got wind that I would do other work outside of Do Re Mi slapped a solo deal on the table saying that they wanted that before another Do Re [Mi] album." Townshend's album was not the only solo project Deborah did in London. She played a goddess, clothed while everyone else was naked, in Peter Greenaway's film, "Prospero's Books." She also sang on the film's soundtrack.

The Australian press accused Do Re Mi and Deb Conway of naivety, saying Deb was only chart fodder and implying that she should have known better. She rejected that notion, and the solo album recorded for Virgin UK was never released . Do Re Mi resisted Virgin UK's attempts to split the band for about a year, before breaking up on bad terms anyway.

Deb went to Los Angeles for a year and spent time there learning the guitar. She drew on old friendships with Australian singer/songwriters like Paul Kelly, Tim Finn and Mark Seymour, and began to write her own music. It was three years, six producers, four false starts, three continents and two record companies before 1991 album "String of Pearls" was released." "It's only the beginning," was Conway's most successful song, reaching its highest position of #19 on the Australian charts during August 1991. The album sold 70,000 copies and went platinum, a vindication for the stand she made in London. In 1991 she won an ARIA award for best Female Artist. The success did not translate into dollars for Conway. Her desperation to rebuild her career meant that she signed a contract entitling her to publishing rights only - she received nothing from the record sales.

"One step forward, two steps backward," her song Alive and Brilliant says. "I won't wrestle, you won't talk back," she sings of life experiences that could belong to anyone, but they remain hers, loaned out to us for three minutes at a time. "That really hurts, I'm still alive and brilliant".

In 1991 Deborah incorporated her newfound guitar skills into a touring stage act, "Deborah Conway and the Mothers of Pearl" . She said it felt more natural to sing and play guitar on stage. She became romantically and musically involved with a guitarist she hired for the tour, Willy Zygier. "I recognised almost immediately a kindred spirit and a cute arse," she said. She considered song writing one of the most intimate of all human exchanges. The musical partnership of Conway / Zygier was now formed. Zygier collaborated on her next album, 'Bitch Epic' in 1993. The cover art included a naked Conway, slathered in chocolate spread, ready to devour a tray full of creamy cakes. Conway said: "What struck me more about the photo was that I was all mouth and covered in chocolate, rather than if you look really close you can see a tiny bit of nipple."

A routine week 18 ultrasound of Deb and Willy's unborn first child, Syd Dolores, prompted a side project in 1995. The band called Ultrasound, included Deborah, Willy, Paul Hester and Bill McDonald. They recorded an album of electronic pop in five days using songs left over from old projects. Willy, and fellow band member, Paul Hester were left to do interviews and promote the album while Deborah nursed her newborn baby. There was no tour and the album received little airplay. As a result, the album sold very few copies.

Deb and Willy took their newborn baby to the UK where they spent two years. The culmination of that trip was Deborah's third album, "My Third Husband," released in 1997. The album was recorded in their loungeroom with newly purchased recording equipment, juggling equipment manuals and breastfeeding. She and Willy wrote songs at night while baby Syd slept. Conway believes this dark night-time mood is reflected in the album. They returned to Australia in 1997 to release the album and promote it. While the critics acclaimed the album, radio stations viewed it as not commercial enough and it received little radio airplay.

Conway was now six months pregnant with her second daughter, Alma DelRay, and touring to promote "My Third Husband". She explains: "I frocked up in red sequins with a large heart cut-out over the lump in gold mesh and highlighted with rhinestones. It was a showstopper with a slow reveal as the guitar which I played for the first five songs covered the heart completely. I wanted to get Shirley-Bassey-meets-Danny-La-Rue in a postmodern pastiche of glamour and earth mother-alien style. Anyway, it had the desired effect and audience and critics alike sent up a collective gasp".

Deborah had two more daughters before she recorded her next album. Alma DelRay was born in late 1997, and Hettie Ira was born in early 2000. It would be easy to assume that Conway was busy with motherhood during that time; however a new album was brewing. A new record label, Shock Records, and a new album represented a step into the alternative domain. The new label was an attempt to force the music industry and consumers to recategorise Conway. The album she released through Shock Records, "Exquisite Stereo," received critical acclaim but poor sales. Once again, she sings, "It's been a long time, a long time, since anyone meant what they said…That really hurts, I'm still alive and brilliant."

Deborah's disappointment with the lack of commercial success prompted her to consider other options. She auditioned for the part of Patsy Cline in a stage play, saying she had nothing to lose. The part in a national touring show was a novelty for Conway, who is more used to juggling dirty nappies with recording equipment and low budget tours. Five star hotel rooms, courtesy Mercedes Benz' and eight hours sleep a night signalled a luxury holiday from motherhood. She wrote a web log of her 'Cline' experience for her 'mostly unofficial' web-site.

Conway describes the evening after September 11: "We played a show on 12 September 2001. It was a particularly difficult performance, one woman down the front wept for almost the entire evening, we played our bums off anyway. When we got to Patsy's plane crash, I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. But we kept it together for the sake of music lovers everywhere. Then we got to go home and weep too."

A closer look at Conway's web log reveals a mother that loves her children, a woman still trying to figure out who she is. Deborah has determined not to be the kind of performer that does things just for commercial reasons, but she'll occasionally surprise. Categorise her as rock-chick deftly managing motherhood and music, and it comes out that she allows journalists to sit in the back seat of her car during cross town trips - while breastfeeding! Perhaps idealism is no longer commercially viable. She sees Patsy Cline as a watershed moment in her career, and has made the foray into commercialism one more time with a 'Best of' album. Conway says the album has the quality of an obituary.

But Deborah Conway is far from a memory and her career is far from over. Her career has covered many places other musicians would fear to tread, and reached heights that some can only aspire to. She has had the privilege of juggling motherhood with music and devoting her working life to something that she loves. Deborah Conway is a woman who may have nothing to lose in career terms, but her richness exists in multiple facets. She is still alive and brilliant.

For more info on Deb

Online

Perfect Patsy (C. Webb), Sydney Morning Herald [Accessed 27 September 2002 - no longer online]

Deborah Conway - Mostly Unofficial Site (M. O'Meara [Accessed 12 October 2002]

Portrait of the artist as a mother (K. Kissane), The Age [Accessed 27 September 2002 - no longer online]

Deborah Conway - It's a girl thing (A. Prasad), Innerviews [Accessed 3 September 2002]

Offline

Long Way to the Top: Stories of Australian & New Zealand Rock and Roll (J. Cockington) - Episode 5 - INXS, In Exile 1976-88 [DVD].

The Real Thing: Adventures in Australian rock & roll (T. Creswell & M. Fabinyi), Published by Random House.

The encyclopedia of Australian rock and pop (I. McFarlane), Published by Allen & Unwin.

'Women's Song: The role of female performers (S. Trenoweth),1994 Juice/Powerhouse Museum Special Issue: Real Wild Child, Published by Terraplane Press.

Who's Who of Australian Rock, 3rd edition (C. Spencer), Published by The Five Mile Press Pty Ltd.

No obits, just hits (J. Porter), Time Off, vol.1087, 28 August - 3 September 2002.

This article was originally posted on the old version of my blog several years ago - some time around 2004. It was deleted during a site revamp, but I promised the Bitch Listers that I would re-post it. That was waaay too long ago. It only just occurred to me that I hadn't done it. My apologies for the delay,...

Ever wanted to be a florist?

2008-10-15T21:17:00.002+10:00

I have. In fact, back in about 1994 I did one semester of a floristry course. If I'm realistic, I'd have to say I flit from career idea to career idea,.... but now that I'm a mum the idea of returning to work terrifies me. I feel like I need to retrain before waltzing into the workplace for many reasons.

a. My skills are out of date.
b. My references are over ten years old.
c. I don't really want to return to financial admin / data entry / SAP.

The problem is that I'm not really sure what I want to do instead. Oh, of course, we all know I want to write but the reality is that not many writers can make a living from their craft. All they do is subsist on government handouts until some publisher somewhere decides they're worthwhile and gives them an advance and a decent marketing budget. [sigh] No, if I'm to be realistic, writing is not a suitable career option.

So, in the interest of self-evaluation I'm considering things I've been interested in before,.... life long interests, passions, whatever. Some of them just wouldn't work in with my family eg. working in hospitality, however some seem possible. I've been contemplating floristry lately. I noticed that Southbank TAFE has a nice floristry program that allows you to do a Cert 2 in semester 1 and then, if you're still interested, a Cert 3 in semester 2.

Other floristry things seem to be showing up for me to contemplate. eg. Tonight's New Inventors featured an invention called the "Ezy Bouquet". Frankly, I'm impressed by it. It doesn't stifle a florist's creativity, it just supports it. It gives the florist free hands, which never used to happen when creating a strauss bouquet.

Other things I've come across include an Aussie floristry supplier who sells to the public online - H. E. Koch & Co. and a US craft site called Save On Crafts that has a really extensive floristry education section.

OK, I know I flit from option to option,... but I really am at a place in my life where I need to consider options. If my pregnancy test comes back negative on Friday morning, well,... at least I've given myself an emotional carrot to gaze at during the shock and pain. It doesn't matter whether I run off to tafe next year or not,... it just helps me get through. The idea of it helps. Even if I know (or suspect) this is me giving myself a mental crutch, it doesn't matter. It's such a delicious prospect that the technique works - especially if I convince myself that the prospect is a real option in case of failure.

During my first IVF back in 2004, I had the prospect of becoming a Family Day Care mummy as my carrot and it worked a treat. In fact, I had myself convinced that I would still do that after Grace started school,... but recently I've realised it for the hollow construct / coping strategy that it was. It's OK though. I'm glad I've realised that this is just something I do for myself as a coping mechanism. It's a kind of workplace fantasy that won't find you in the bosses' office without your shoes.

[sigh]

Gotta sleep now. thanks for listening.

Excuse me if my blog has no consistency of theme.

2008-10-13T14:38:00.002+10:00

I know my blog is not a cookery blog, but it does have the odd foodie post. It is not a faith blog but it also has spiritual stuff along the way. It is not crafty, nor is it social commentary. In fact, just like myself, I don't know what the hell my blog is all about.

It was this stage in my last phase of IVF that the hormones had so tripped with my head that I became convinced that I had adult ADHD. I'm going through it all again. In fact, reading this article: Adult ADHD: 50 Tips on Management
by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D. just reduced me to tears. My darling husband, who is a trained counsellor, has kindly pointed out to me that I do not have ADHD and that it is a complicated diagnosis,... however I personally think that I sit somewhere down that end of the spectrum and I do struggle with the big ADHD issues of impulsivity, inattentiveness, distraction and their related complications (and negative impacts on the self-esteem).

The line from that article that really got me was:

"Don't feel chained to conventional careers or conventional ways of coping. Give yourself permission to be yourself. Give up trying to be the person you always thought you should be--the model student or the organized executive, for example--and let yourself be who you are."

Let yourself be who you are. I want to weep. Let yourself be who you are. How long have I struggled to fit into everyone else's mold? It seems my entire life has been about trying to fit into society, as if it were an ill-fitting pair of non-stretch jeans and doing that button up at the top made me feel like I wanted to throw up.

Let yourself be who you are.

Frankly, I wouldn't have a clue who I am and it seems like an important task to try and find out.

[sigh]

Pimp Your Undies!

2008-10-11T10:34:00.002+10:00

Fat chicks of the world UNITE!!!! Don't let the fashion industry tell you what undies you can and cannot wear. Thumb your nose at the prima donnas who tell you that fat chicks can't wear anything but beige cottontails.

OK, so they might be comfortable and practical and available in plus sizes,... but Cottontails come in about three pastel shades, a nasty shade of beige that looks like you washed your whites in with Dad's work socks, and occasionally they do a really tragic floral pattern in an insipid mint-green and white design.

In frustration, I tried some Rio undies. Full marks to them for their "Sexy at any size" range. My purple spotty undies definitely do make me feel like dancing. BUT, and there is a BUTT, they seem a little fond of - ahem - moving out of their preferred position. So, I have returned to comfy old cottontails,...

But this time I know better. Last night, Grace and I pimped my undies. Now my cottontails are scarlet red. Nice,... and liberating.

An horticultural-type with a sense of humour.

2008-09-20T10:07:00.004+10:00

Had to store this link somewhere safe so this is the place: Plants are the Strangest People

I was bumbling my way through google trying to work out how to propagate some more Zanzibar Gem for my patio when I found this. I was surprised to find an horticultural-type with a sense of humour and thought, this must be treasured. Since losing my beloved Peter Cundall, my garden has suffered. It has only been watered once every week or so,.... the last time I fertilized was maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago,... Grace pulled all my tiny green tomatoes off the bush. All this has merely added to my garden rejection.

Until now. Now that I have found this blog,.... my gardening joy has returned a little. I will propagate those tiny Zanzibar Gem plants. Oh yes,.... I will.

Grace Catherine Harris - Miracle Girl

2008-08-08T20:26:00.004+10:00

"Every new born child is a miracle, but for a thousand reasons Grace Catherine Harris is more miraculous than most. Her journey from the ether to life has been longer and harder fought than most. While she lay frozen in a test tube, I lay frozen in a hospital bed. We were both in a stupor of sorts, mine was induced by the same hormones that brought her to life. I had Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS), a condition that affects roughly one in twelve women who have IVF.

In actual fact, OHSS affects every woman that has IVF. Every IVF patient experiences the symptoms to some degree, but for the most part they are only a passing discomfort. The process of superovulation, or producing as many ripe follicles as possible, is a fine balance between not producing enough and producing far too many. OHSS occurs when the patient is either far too sensitive, or the dose of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) far too high and as a result far too many follicles are produced. For me, it was probably a little of both. After three or four days of extreme nausea and bloating, I could no longer even drink water. All the fluids in my body were floating in between cells and circulatory systems. My stomach was stretched so much that the skin hurt, and my lungs were full and squishing with this mystery fluid.

That's one week of the eight year journey that my husband and I went on to conceive our little daughter, Grace. But that's history now. "

*Reposted from my old blog which no longer exists.

The post script to this entry is that after a very traumatic IVF experience, many embryos were frozen and stored for us in November 2004. Grace was one of the first two thawed. Now, in August 2008, we are trying again. In 15 - 18 days time, one of those embryos will be thawed out and carefully placed in my (artifically prepared) womb. Once again, we will be asking God for a miracle. It's far easier to believe for it, though, when you've seen God do an amazing miracle already.

Feeling disheartened,...

2008-06-28T22:16:00.004+10:00

Lately I've been feeling crushed under the weight of obligations and expectations of the things God has spoken over my life. There are hopes and dreams that seem no closer today than they were ten or even twenty years ago when they first burned in my heart. I was feeling inadequate and useless,... feeling like I'd achieved nothing. It makes me sad how the devil robs us of our joy, even when we are in the place God wants us to be.

God was gentle with me once again. He reminded me that I was His child and He loves me. He showed me how silly it would be if Grace tried to reach for something too high for her. She'd be grunting, groaning, straining, frustrated and putting herself in danger of falling.

"No, darling." I'd tell her.

"Let Mummy get it for you," I'd say. Duly chastised. Duly relieved. My heart, once again, sinks into the peace only God can give.

On Sunday (last), our Pastor, Ian Hussey, explained the concept of riding on eagle's wings. When a baby eagle gets to a certain stage, their mother pushes them out of their nest. They either flap their wings and learn to fly or they fall. The mother eagle watches them carefully and, as they fall or tire, she flies below them, catches them on her back and safely returns them to the nest. (See Exodus 19:4 and Deuteronomy 32:11)

That, to me, sounds more secure and comforting than having a net like acrobats have,... because not only am I being carefully supervised, but when I even start to look like falling, I am scooped up for a big hug from mum. That gives me the courage to try and keep on trying.

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong.

Yes! Jesus loves me!
Yes! Jesus loves me!
Yes! Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

"You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself." Exodus 19:4

Non Scale Victory

2008-06-03T22:05:00.003+10:00

Sometimes when people are trying to lose weight, it helps to measure weight loss by things other than the scales or tape measure. The scales can become a real source of torment and obsession when you're trying so hard to lose weight. So, I was encouraged this week in my weight loss journey when I discovered I had won a non scale victory.

To explain:
About a month ago, Scott and I bought a WiiFit. I've managed to do workouts roughly twice a week, if not more. A busy week or two has meant that I haven't had a chance to workout for eight days. I knew I had put on a bit of weight. I was stressed, busy and comfort eating. Motivation to work out was hard to find. [sigh]

On Monday, though, I pulled a toy hula hoop from the cupboard at Grace's playgroup. Grace and I had a little hula-hula and I surprised myself. I was able to hula properly for a good six or seven spins. It doesn't sound like a whole lot, but it's something I have never been able to do. Not even when I was a kid.

I realised, after several repeat performances on the hula hoop, that my stomach muscles are getting stronger now. This is a skill I have learned through all my virtual hula hooping on the Wii balance board. This is one of the first good things I have done for my body in years. This is something I can be proud of, a real achievement based on my workouts.

I feel motivated to keep trying. I even walked past a piece of cheesecake without eating it today. This is a real non-scale victory.

Cafepress Update (Including sympathy poem)

2008-05-17T22:56:00.008+10:00

I recently created an online store using Cafepress. It's called "AnnaHarris.com Online Store". At the moment it only contains a couple of designs. They will be added as I get the opportunity. I only have one design per product item. If you like a design (eg. on a greeting card) but want to buy it on a different item (eg. mini poster or framed print) then feel free to drop me a line: anna at annaharris dot com and I'll do my darnedest to make it happen for you.

Designs currently on the site are:

A Birthday Card 10 pack of "Happy Hip Hop Birthday" cards. This is a pretty funky graffiti-style design. The inside says "It's your day. Bust a move."

There's a cute little teddy bear wearing a t-shirt with another one of my poems on it. The poem is called "God is like a teddy bear". It's been valuable in helping people understand something about who God is and how he loves. Perhaps you might like to share a bear with a friend and help them find out about God's love.

"God is like a teddy bear with a conscience
He listens to everything you say
He tells you the right thing to do
And still loves you after you do the opposite."

And finally (for now) there is a very powerful sympathy card, complete with a lovely image of a white hydrangea. I adore that image. I adore the poem. It's about losing your one true love and dealing with laying them to rest. Here is the poem:

The grass is yet to grow back
in the place where they buried you.
There is only dirt
and wilted flowers.
The remnants of my last visit.

I don't wan't grass anyway.
That would be a lie,
As if everything was normal.
As if you were laid to rest.
As if you and I were at peace.

They buried my heart with you,
My Darling, My love.
They left pieces exposed
like rocks in the dirt.

No grass can grow there,
Until leaves fall
and tears fall,
to nourish the earth.

Tears.
Tears. Tears.
I have been hurt.
The realisation that I will never
hold you,
never touch you,
never hear you laugh.
How can I ever let go?
Tears rain down now,
upon your grave.
Preparing the soil for my new life,
without you.

The grass must grow back again.
The sun must shine again.
Rest in Glory.
Rest in Peace.
Rest in Love.

I have great plans for this CafePress store. I have so many ideas for greeting cards, posters, gifts and t-shirts. In fact, I have so many ideas that it makes my head ache. I'm stressed about my somewhat limited artistic skills. I'm a writer, not a fighter. Oh, I mean an artist.

Over time I'll be building up my collection of available designs. My goal is to upgrade to a Premium store and make this little baby into an earner! Stay tuned for more updates.

[sigh] Wish me well, folks. And go there and buy my stuff. Please.

Ultra Simple and cute ballet tutu pattern

2008-03-27T21:31:00.002+10:00

I stumbled across this cute little number. I must make one for Grace some time soon. She loves to pretend she's a ballerina. She asks me for ballet slippers every chance she gets. This ballet tutu might distract her attention until I can find a pair of Jiffies in her size. It's such a simple concept. I thought I might make Barbie one too.

Cool.

And so here it was, it was the day that Jesus rose from the dead,...

2008-03-24T00:46:00.003+10:00

Scripture this passage relates to: Luke 24 : 13 - 33 The Road to Emmaus

"And so here it was, it was the day that Jesus rose from the dead and they had given up. They were on their way home. They were shattered beyond description. I mean, what would you do if you had put all of your hopes in this one man? He was the anointed of God. He was going to redeem Israel. He was going to take back the land for the people and so on, and they killed Him. They killed Him. So they just gave up. It was a washout. It was through. They were going home.

"And yet who should they meet on the road but Jesus Himself? And it says that they didn’t recognise Him and we seem to attribute it that God didn’t allow them to recognize Him. But I don’t buy that one bit, because the original text doesn’t say that. It just says that they didn’t recognize Him. Do you know why they didn’t recognize Him? Because He was the last man they expected to see on that road. Granted, I don’t think He looked the same. But they never expected to meet Jesus. It was their own lack of faith that blinded them from seeing Him.
"So Jesus comes up to them and “What’s happenin’ fellas? What are you talkin’ about?” and he [Cleopas] says “Are you the only one that doesn’t know about these things?”
Jesus says “What? What are you talking about?”
“Jesus, the Nazarene, mighty prophet, mighty man of God in word and deed. In fact, we all thought he was the Messiah and they killed him. And that was three days ago. His body is gone. We found His body is gone but they haven’t found Him.[Cleopas said]” And the Bible says that they stood there looking sad.

"Now,...that’s a lot like us, people. You see, [for] those guys, this should have been the greatest day in their lives. The Messiah had just risen. He had come to do THIS! Heaven had just opened. It was the beginning of the Kingdom of God that would be displayed through men, not just Jesus. And their work was today really beginning and they thought it was over. They were going this way and Jesus said “Why aren’t you going that way? You ought to be going IN to Jerusalem!” They didn’t get it. And so they rebuked God. “Don’t you know Jesus died?” They rebuked God. But He was patient. He didn’t smite them with fire. He was gentle with them. And He said “Oh foolish men, slow to hear all the prophets had said. Didn’t you know these things were going to happen? Weren’t you told so many times?” Yeah, they were.

"But see, those two guys are like us. As you sit here tonight many of you have trouble. You’ve got problems. You brought them in this room with you tonight. And sometimes we would think if only, only Jesus would come to my house. If once I could sit down and counsel with Jesus. If I could just see Him once. If I could just hear His voice once, I’d be transformed. No you wouldn’t. You’d be just like these two men on the road to Emmaus. You wouldn’t get it. The presence of Jesus would not change your life.

"Believe me? It’s true.

"You see, because Jesus, His presence, is here right now. His presence is inside your bodies right now. It hasn’t changed you. Oh, you’re going to Heaven, but it hasn’t changed you. We came into this room tonight with problems. Jesus is right here. Jesus might have said to you tonight “How’re you doing?” “Are you the only one in Adelaide who doesn’t know the trouble I’ve got? I haven’t paid all my bills! The kids are sick! My husband’s been angry with me for the last two weeks! Don’t you know!?! I’m upset! And He says Oh foolish foolish people. Didn’t you know this stuff was going to happen? Didn’t I tell you? Jesus Christ is right here next to you tonight. He’s right here with you. The King of the Universe and He knows you by name. He knows everything about you. He has rescued you. He has written your name in His book. He is counting the days until He gets to take you home face to face. He loves you so much. Do you realise how precious you are to Him? You don’t realise that or you wouldn’t be so upset about the problems in your life.

"You don’t know what a glory you are to Him. You might think “Well, I don’t do anything. I’m not very useful to the Lord. I’m not very powerful. I’m not, you know, a real disciple.” Do you know how much He loves you? You see, what you were created for has already happened. It’s already done. You see, when you became a Christian you fulfilled the Lord’s will for your life. He didn’t die so that you might be discipled. He died so that you might go to heaven. Right? He opened the way for Heaven. When you said Jesus come into your life, that day, whenever it was, IT WAS FINISHED. And the only reason you’re here now isn’t to grow closer to the Lord, or to be more obedient to the Lord, or to become more of a disciple. No! The reason you’re here right now, today, is that the joy and the love and the fullness of God would spill out of you and flow all over others, because you are now the Jesuses in this world. You have the good news of God beating in your breast. He just wants to show you off!

"You’re not supposed to work your way. It’s already done. You’re going to heaven. You don’t see it like all of creation sees it. That shekinah glory of God that blinded Paul on the Damascus road and knocked him flat on his back, knocked Daniel down a couple of times and Ezekiel and John and so on. That same shekinah glory of God dwells in your breast. And every spiritual being throughout eternity can see it. All of the host of Heaven, the saints and the angels, and all of the demonic realm, even Satan himself, they all can see that and it scares the demons no end. They know you from a non-Christian. You blind them with the glory of God. It’s not just a little angel that hangs around you to try to protect you. It’s the spirit of the living God who makes your body His home. Every time your heart beats you’re giving glory to God, you know why? Because God’s saying “That one is mine”. Every time you hear that heart beat “That one is mine. They have said ‘yes’ to me. They’re going to be in Heaven with me”. "

Quoted Section from message by Pastor Brent Rue titled "Letting God Love You", preached somewhere in Adelaide in the mid/late 90's???? Write me a comment if you would like to read the entire sermon and I'll e-mail you the 16 page Word document. An mp3 version of a similar message is available from www.brentrue.com, but appears to be preached several years later than my transcript (so it has a slightly different perspective).

Pastor Rue shares a life-changing concept that God used with me,... but it's 12:45am here so I won't elaborate. I just really felt that God wanted me to post something of this, the "most important teaching" Ps Rue's ever done, here, on Resurrection Sunday.

Good Friday Seedlings

2008-03-21T14:49:00.004+10:00

Easter is not about eggs, or bunnies or chocolate. It is about seeds.

As Jesus agonised at the thought of his impending death, He said "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (John 12:24).

When Jesus died on the cross He fell to the ground and was buried in the pits of hell. But in His death came the new life that only God can breathe upon us.

On the third day He rose, like a seed sprouting, and came to life once more. This time like a plant spreading its seeds around the earth.

Easter is all about seeds and the new life we are given when we take the seed of God's love and plant it firmly in our heart.

When you consider what Jesus did for you on the first Good Friday, let His overwhelming love be the first thing to pierce your heart. Pray this prayer below if you want to accept the blessings of the cross and embrace Jesus as friend and saviour.

A prayer for new life:

Father God,
I realise I am a sinner. I have sinned and deserve my consequences. But I have learned that in you there is forgiveness, unconditional love and a new life breathed into my soul. Please come into my life and my heart so I can be born again in Christ Jesus?
Amen.

Have a very good friday.

A little trifle,...

2008-03-09T13:47:00.005+10:00

Trifle is this strange bitsa-style dessert that creates something far more than the sum of its parts. On their own custard, jelly, tinned fruit and old sponge cake are uninspiring,... but when you put them all together with a splash of plonk something magical happens. TRIFLE.

With that, and a half demolished trifle in my fridge in mind, I decided to have a little google for trifle recipes. One nice thing you can do with trifle is choose a theme and go with it eg. an Australia Day trifle made with lamingtons. My favourites in a preliminary web browse are the Port Wine Trifle and the Banana Caramel Trifle. I have to qualify this last link by saying that I really do NOT like trifles with Madiera cake or jam sponges or jam rolls. Any jam added to a trifle just makes it sickly sweet, whether it's spread over the cake or bought like that. Urk. Totally unnecessary. The only jam exception I will make is that some people microwave a few teaspoons of jam to stir in with their plonk if it's not a very sweet one.

There are plenty of recipes for Black Forest Trifles and chocolate trifles too. Personally, I've done a chocolate one using chocolate mousse instead of jelly, but having watched Maggie Beer do a lovely espresso jelly recently has caused me to rethink the chocolate trifle idea. I'd like to see a rich grown-up chocolate trifle with a hint of mocha ie. coffee jelly and possibly kahlua on chocolate sponge.

Now it's time to introduce you to my classic trifle method (as opposed to recipe):

1 or 2 unfilled sponge cakes from the supermarket OR a packet of Savoiardi (sponge finger) biscuits - no jam rolls or Madeira for reasons already discussed.

1/2 - 1 cup of plonk (suggested choices include marsala, sherry, dessert wines, chocolate liqueur, kirsch, Bailey's Irish Cream, Grand Marnier etc). For non-alcoholic versions the choices are just as endless - the liquid drained from your tinned fruit, chocolate/strawberry/banana flavoured milk, ice-cream toppings, cold coffee [nice mixed with marsala for a tiramisu flavoured trifle], well pureed fruit or fruit coulis, some brave folks even use fruit juice but I'd be wary of curdling the dairy products in the trifle.

Break sponge into pieces, place in a large casserole dish with a lid and drizzle with plonk. Cover cake and leave in fridge overnight.

Make one or two jellies in separate containers according to packet directions. Add fresh / tinned fruit or frozen berries to the jelly if desired. [Helps conceal the fruit from fussy toddlers.] Allow to set in fridge over night.

Make a nice thick batch of custard according to packet directions, or be lazy and buy a carton or two at the supermarket. You can buy the thick stuff, but it's a matter of personal preference how you like your custard in your trifle. Personally, if I'm using really runny custard, I'd be inclined to go easy on the plonk. If you made the custard yourself, cover the top of it with a sheet of glad wrap and put it in the fridge overnight to cool.

In the morning/afternoon/whenever you get around to it: compile all the goodness together in several casserole dishes or sexy glass bowls, parfait glasses or whatever is your desired serving dish. You may need to make more than you think you'll need because this trifle is damn tempting just sitting there in your fridge.

Once you have fairly evenly compiled the sponge, custard, jelly and fruit, you are ready to top it all with a generous layer of (barely sweetened, vanilla added) whipped cream. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT skimp on this step. This is the contrast in flavour and texture that makes it all something magical. It also hides the chaos beneath. The top can be sprinkled with something nice eg. chocolate sprinkles, coconut, nuts, cinnamon,.... try and go with the theme of your trifle.

[sigh] As Dora's Backpack says "Delicioso".

This is a dessert classic and even the single bloke with limited culinary skills could probably knock up a nice one to impress the ladies.

Trifle,... make one today.

Dearest Christian,...

2008-02-07T22:45:00.000+10:00

Take your eyes off the
things of this world.

Forget their fame and fashion
and their meat pots and onions.

Jesus lives in the land
of promised milk and honey.

Jesus lives in the land
of resurrected dreams.

Jesus lives in your heart,
His truth is on your tongue.
His word is in your heart.
His Spirit broods above you
and within.

Jesus lights upon you
shining like the first rays of the day,
burning like the midday sun,
reigning like pink scars on the twilight sky.
Follow Him.

Low carbing starts next time I eat!

2008-02-04T00:28:00.000+10:00

Low Carb starts now.

I am a failed dieter. In fact, I feel like I have been on a diet every single day since I turned 12. As a result, over time, I have just given up. I lost the will to fight with food every meal of every single day. People really annoy me when they harp on and on about my weight. Every one from work colleagues to schoolyard bullies to doctors and family members, everyone has something to say about what I'm eating. To be frank, they can shove it up their date! What I eat is none of their freakin' business.

That said, I need to lose weight. We all know that. I have PCOS and obesity, diabetes and heart related illnesses are all complications of this condition. If Grace is ever going to have a brother or sister, I'm going to need to lose around twenty kilos (preferably thirty). My endocrinologist told me not to go back to him until I've lost twenty.

Knowing I need to lose weight and the real importance of it, I've been reflecting, thinking, researching, wondering for months. I've looked into Weight Watchers, gastric bands, Jenny Craig, Mass Attack,... After months of thinking, I have decided to do low carb. It makes sense given my PCOS. Any diet that focuses on low fat and allows a lot of carbs in a day just disregards my PCOS and insulin resistance.

So, tomorrow morning I will be having a low carb breakfast and then trying to avoid the yummy morning tea treats at playgroup. I'm working from The Carbohydrate Addicts Healthy Heart book. Their eating plan allows you one meal a day where you can eat some carbs, whatever carbs you like, provided they're balanced with meat and vegetables. As far as I'm concerned, it is a concept I could live with. It takes my keenly developed sense of deprivation and addresses it in a reasonable way by allowing me one treat each day.

I know I can stick to it because I HAVE to. It will require me to give up diet soft drinks (because artificial sweeteners cause an insulin response just like sugar does!). That's going to be hard but I'm sure I'll get used to it. If I really want them, I can have them at my daily reward meal. That's quite reasonable, don't you think? We shouldn't be drinking crap like soft drink all day long anyway. I think this diet just makes sense. It just takes my out of control eating and brings it back to a reasonable level.

Here are some useful links for my benefit. If they help you, then we both win.

Glycemic Index
Sugar Science Diet Archive This is the old name for John Ratcliffe's Low Carb diet, one I'm using recipes and taking advice from.
Empower Foods have a whole lot of low carb versions of yummy treats like muffins and biscuits and even tortillas. I'll suss it out some time soon.

I wanted to link to a cool online weight tracker but, so far, I haven't found one. They're all either crappy or they cost cash. Perhaps I'll just set up an Excel spreadsheet to keep track on my PC.

If you get a chance, please say a prayer for my success. This is not weight loss for vanity. It is for life and health and a future,... mine and my children's.

My slightly healthy tweaked Mars Bar Slice Recipe

2008-01-26T09:07:00.000+10:00

For those of you who like a piece of Mars Bar slice every now and then, here's a new version. The benefits of this recipe are two-fold (actually, if you were to list the benefits of this recipe you could be here all day long, but I'm highlighting two.) Firstly, portion control and secondly, added fibre.

I have reduced your standard recipe down to it's lowest common denominator - a single Mars Bar. If you just pick up one Mars Bar at the corner store, you can make enough for six (approx 100 calorie) portions in a loaf tin. Alternatively, use patty pans and scoop out enough to fill six.

Traditionally Mars Bar slice is made with rice bubbles, or the Nigella version is made with corn flakes. Neither of these breakfast cereals contain any fibre. By switching Sultana Bran with either of those, I have introduced 1 gram of fibre per serve. It doesn't sound like much,.... but compare it to your average morning tea sweet treat - cake, biscuits, crackers, none of them really have much fibre. So try this recipe. It's lightning fast and eases some of the guilt of similar snacky treats.

Ingredients:
1 Mars Bar (50-60 gram) roughly chopped
30 grams (1.5 tablespoons) butter (salted or unsalted according to preference, I like the salt.)
45 grams Sultana Bran

Slowly melt butter and chopped mars bar in a medium-sized saucepan. Stir regularly and DO NOT leave unattended. When the mars bar has completely melted and no lumps remain, add sultana bran and stir quickly until combined. Spread mixture over a greased loaf tin and refrigerate. Slice will be set in about 30 minutes.

To achieve the following nutritional quantities, cut mixture into 6 portions. For a nice presentation, cut slice into six (or more) portions after 5 - 10 minutes in the fridge, before the slice has set completely. If you don't, the bars will crumble and shatter as you attempt to slice them neatly. If you're making this for a 'do', perhaps the patty pan option is slightly more attractive. You could certainly spread the mix across 8 or 10 pans, I just calculated the nutritional information on six portions.

Per Serve:

Kilojoules = 449 (107 calories)
Fat = 6 grams (50% unsaturated)
Carbs = 11.8 grams
Fibre = 1 gram
Protein = 1.4 gram

I was inspired to do this after watching Oprah's episode on tweaking kids food so that they receive some invisible nutrition throughout their day. Refer to Jessica Seinfeld's book "Deceptively Delicious".

I can just imagine Gracey telling me "Mummy have invisible nutrition too!"

PS: This was a hit with toddler, husband and in-laws. All was demolished in one sitting. Delish. Reminds me of a soft caramelly flapjack. It has the chewiness of oat-based flapjacks without all the hard work.

Surprised? I am.

2008-01-17T21:36:00.000+10:00

Thanks for asking. My first art class today went really well.

I surprised myself with how well my first few sketches came out. I think I've spent my entire life telling myself I couldn't draw. You know, 'I'm the writer, I can't draw' or 'My sister's the artist in the family, not me' etc etc. Imagine my surprise when I was able to translate a photo I took of a beautifully gnarled hibiscus bush with a gorgeous soft flower and bud nestled amongst deep green leaves and sparse dead branches into a recognisable detailed pencil sketch. Stay tuned for the colour version. It's one that I plan to develop into a painting on canvas. I'm not in a major rush to do that though. I want to spend a few weeks learning stuff and practising on paper before I buy a canvas.

It's a funny laid-back kind of art class. Every one just works on projects and Shane, the art teacher, helps them with constructive advice and suggestions on what technique or material would be best in their projects. Shane also presents lessons for part of the session.

Today's lesson was on colour temperature and colour blending. It was great to learn and, apart from anything else, handy to learn before I dish out $$$ on paints. Knowing how to mix true secondary colours may be a cost saver because you can spend more money on better quality primary colours instead. It's not all the paint required, but I learned that a good starting point is 3 warm primaries and 3 cool primaries. I'm really looking forward to getting paint on paper, but for now I'll enjoy doing pencil sketches and surprising myself.

What is Grace?

2008-01-16T21:52:00.000+10:00

"Grace is that most marvelous, multifaceted gemstone that sparkles, glitters, and radiates the love of God in our lives. Grace -- the favor of God by which He blesses sinful human beings -- is given according to the measure of Christ's gift (the measure of infinite love for undeserving people)."

From WordTruth.com's online sermon "God's Church is Growing Up".

I think about this every single time I say my daughter's name. She might have an "ey" on the end from time to time,.... I am Australian, after all, but it is still Grace that I say a hundred times a day. God showed us great favour. I feel like one of the most blessed women in the world because He heard my cry, He gave me a precious promise to hold on to and then He worked miracles and tip-toed a fine line between life and death to bless us with Grace.

I feel sorry for people who say there is no God because I have looked Jesus in the face as he lifted me up off the doctor's table. I remember thinking that I wasn't scared at all, but I probably should be.

Duh! Who'd be scared when Jesus is beside you reminding you to hold on.

Sparkling, glittering, multi-faceted indeed,....

Freakin' technology!

2008-01-06T10:02:00.000+10:00

At 35, I'm too old to keep learning knew tricks. I know, I know, once upon a time I used to be able to do so much with technology. I could pre-program my parents' VCR. I could use command lines in DOS and UNIX. I was an expert in Word Perfect 5.1 and could program macros in Lotus 123. But those days are long gone, my friend.

I swear, if I have to learn how to use another mobile phone I will scream! These days, I have more of a make do approach to technology. I learn the bare minimum to do the bare necessities. I answer calls, send txt, save numbers in the contacts book.

Imagine my dismay last night when I tried to work out Face Book. At first I thought it wouldn't let me see anyone's profile unless I had in them in my profile as friends. But then, to my surprise, I was able to see my friend Phil's profile before inviting him as a friend. So, that theory was thrown out. Then, I realised that you can specify your own privacy setting so some people probably allow all to see their profile, while others only allow 'friends'. So I'm learning.

Then, I had a "Teachers" moment. I'm friendless. [sigh] Andrew Lincoln plays a grade 11 school teacher who confiscates a mobile phone from a student. During his cigarette break he flicks through the contacts in the phone and is horrified to learn that this student has more than a hundred phone numbers. Being overly melodramatic (as only Teachers can) he compares this student's life to his own. Andrew has 25 numbers in his phone, subtract two for people with mobile and landline numbers in there, subtract one for Mr Tandoori and you're left with a pretty lame guy with no life.

[This post has been interrupted to push my nose up against the glass on the back door. As I squish my nose to the glass, I get an outside glass kiss from Grace. Oh yes, that's right. I'm a mummy now. I get to fill my phone contacts up with other mummy's numbers from playgroup. I get to watch/ignore Maisy mouse 26 times a day. sigh. As you were....]

So my point? Hurry up and make friends with me so this technology doesn't continue to make me feel lame and uncool - as much as we know it's true.

PS: I seriously considered being like one of the cool people and putting an image on my profile that doesn't look like me/doesn't contain me at all. But, in the end, the whole reason I'm attracted to Facebook is the chance to catch up with some special people that I haven't seen or heard from in years. If I don't put my face on my profile, considering my name has changed, they won't know it's me. Wouldn't that be a shame?

BTW: I managed to work out how to feed my blog via Facebook so you read this via www.annaharris.com or my Facebook profile. Cooleo.

My first Christmas without Nanna

2007-12-24T10:31:00.000+10:00

I have to grow up this year.
I have to be strong and independent.
My Nanna is gone,
I lost her this year.
I said "Goodbye" as my male cousins and uncles
carried her down the aisle
of Kyogle Presbyterian Church
and away into eternity with Jesus.

Hallelujah.
I know she is well cared for there,
and loved beyond measure.

But if she were here today,
I'd hold her hand,
even though I'm all grown up.
I'd hold her hand
like she held mine
on my wedding day when she
wanted to remind me that she cared.

I'd try not to waste time
apologising for all those times
when I wasn't around.
I'd remind her of all the wonderful
things she baked in her kitchen,
the stilted songs I played
on her Hammond organ,
the nude watercolour my Grandad painted
that hangs behind the door,
her little Jack Russell Terrier,
the only dog on the farm allowed indoors,...

And I'd tell her stories of our Gracey,
her miraculous great-granddaughter
who makes our days joyful
and our sun shine.
I imagine meeting my Nanna
as a little bundle of joy.
I'm sure my mum was proud
to show me off.
I'm sure Nanna was too.

I can only imagine her joy
as she tucked that pink teddy bear
into my crib,
stroked my bubble-gum cheek,
so fragile and perfect.
I'm sure she gave me her finger
with lovely long nail
and I gripped it tightly,
as only a baby can
until my knuckles were white.

If Nan was here today,
I'd hold her hand.

As good as my writing gets,...

2007-12-05T21:46:00.000+10:00

Over the past few months I have been writing articles on Helium. One article I wrote addressed the topic "Is it okay for a woman to shave her face?" For some reason, that topic brought out all the pain and angst of 20 years of PCOS. All the pain and frustration of having to shave my face only moments before Grace was born came rushing back. If you read nothing else I have ever written, please read this article?.

I poured my heart and soul into it. It used to be ranked number 1 on the topic. I can't understand how two short sweet soul-less articles managed to outrank me. One day soon I'll try and leapfrog them,... but in my heart I know that I couldn't do any better than I already have. This is as good as my writing gets,...

[sigh]

Inability to focus = a blurry life

2007-11-13T18:01:00.000+10:00

My lack of focus is particularly frustrating lately. I have always flitted from one thing to another in life, Scott will attest to that. But, frankly, I would really love to get one thing right and stick to it and focus on it and make it work. Writing is that one thing and I know it. I always come back to it over and over again,... it's just I get bored with it and find myself attracted to other things. Big projects are too much for me, they're daunting, overwhelming,... that's why I adore writing greeting cards. They're short, sweet, sentimental and pretty - unlike me,... my height is decidedly average and I don't look anywhere as cute as a greeting card,... the only day anyone could ever have accused me of looking pretty was my wedding day and that was because I had a team of stylists 'working on my look'.

[sigh]

I do qualify on the sweet and sentimental aspects, though. When I studied floristry (many moons ago) everyone in the class could always pick my arrangements out of a roomful because mine would be the one with the bow in it. For some reason I could never arrange flowers without placing a bow in there somewhere, just as I can never give a gift without tying it in ribbon. If there's no card, it's naked. These are just standards I place on myself,... I have never expected this from others.

I got on this computer today wanting to pour my heart out and sort out my thoughts. Unfortunately, I'm back to the struggle I have every time I write at the computer and not by hand,.... I get stuck sitting staring at the screen. My ideas come out stilted and awkward. There is no flow. Frankly, the flow is the one thing I love about writing. I find myself sitting there, my breathing slow and relaxed, my mind a thousand miles away, composing words of beauty while my hand and my critical left brain are busy forming letters on the page. It's a strategy to engage the critic, to distract it,.... but typing on the computer doesn't do it for me. For a start, I type fast enough to keep up with most of my thoughts, so my critic doesn't need to sit there telling me to dot my i's and lower case j's. So it interferes with my thought processes and I might as well be standing in front of my grade nine classroom naked, citing Shakespeare and shaking like jelly. This is not the literary escapism I fell in love with about that same time. Ugh.

I'm going to rant to my notebook. If you're lucky you'll read a polished edit of it one day,... but then again, maybe not.

[sigh]

Stupid computer.

No longer a victim of Officeworks

2007-10-23T09:18:00.000+10:00

During our recent move from Sunshine Coast to Brisbane we had a very traumatic time trying to find a rental property. The rental market is in crisis in Brisbane and there are zillions of prospective tenants trying to apply for each and every property. We went through two months of concerted effort, searching and attending property inspections, applying and being knocked back until we got to the stage where we had one week to both find somewhere to live and move house. It was super stressful.

But I digress, ....during our application for the unit we eventually got, we ran into Officeworks in a hurry to try and get one A4 page printed from a flash drive. One plain black and white MS Word document. One measly page! And the rude obnoxious Officeworks staffer said "I don't have time to do it, you'll have to pick it up tomorrow."

No, really.... That's exactly what he said.

Anyway, I used to be passionately in love with Officeworks. I'd even contemplated making it my second home. I could just curl up in the corner with the cardboard boxes, make a cosy little bed in the packing popcorn,... And when I wanted to emerge and look successful and powerful, I could go and sit at the Bosses desk in the showroom and put my arms behind my head (as they all do).

Incidentally, who taught them that? Is this a demonstration of masculine power plays at their most primal? Perhaps, like the peacock feather show, this is the human male showing his dominance (and his sweaty armpits) to impress the ladies in the office with his musky scent. Blerk. When I'm in a meeting and I see a man do this I have to stifle a laugh. Go on, strut your stuff, primal man. Ungabung. (Would someone please consult Captain Caveman for the correct spelling please?)

Needless to say, Officeworks has now become a swear word in our home. No more browsing the pen aisle, or softly caressing the DIY Designer Letterhead paper,... No more flicking through empty filofaxes and Day Runners imagining what it would feel like to be organised.

Frankly, Officeworks you big bully, I don't need you! I've discovered the most delicious little online modular organiser application called PocketMod. Have you ever taken a look in your overstuffed handbag to find a diary, a notebook, a Weight Watchers Points tracker, and a shopping list floating around the bottom. PocketMod solves all these problems in an elegant little solution. You can print eight mods (of your choice) on a single page on your printer, and then using their instructions, you can fold it into an eight page mini-book. The mini-book folds with a little pocket to store a business card and the entire book slides easily into your purse, pocket or wallet.

The result of all this tweakability and convenience is a nifty little book that solves a zillion problems, lets you clean out (and lighten your handbag) and throw it all away when you're ready for a revision. There is no leather cover, so you won't feel obliged to hang onto it for a long time. It's one happy little A4/Letter size page,... you could do a new version each day or each week as you need it. I've got mine set up with a week to view diary, a couple of pages of checklists as a To Do list, four pages of food tracking (so I can do my Weight Watchers with discipline) and a shopping list page on the back cover.

With an app like this I need never visit Officeworks ever again! Hahahaha.

A recirculating gravy fountain,...

2007-10-22T15:02:00.000+10:00

Now you know why I love reading Instructables - some genius has invented a recirculating gravy fountain. Keep reading and you'll find they have also made a Singapore Sling fountain.

Don't think about the health issues associated this, just read and marvel at this amazing creation.

Mmmmmmmm gravy.

Sunday Afternoon Project: A DIY Light Box for Macro Photography

2007-10-14T16:48:00.000+10:00

I haven't really shared this with you guys before, but while we were travelling (see Harris Adventures for that) I discovered a few tricks on my digital camera. In fact, I fell so in love with its macro setting that I would wander the streets of Caloundra/Nambucca Heads/wherever and take loads of snaps of people's flowers.

Since we've been back in Brisbane I've been itching to do some more photography but haven't had much of a chance. Whenever we're driving around I find myself spotting something special and thinking "That would make a great photograph!". I've even been frequenting places like VistaPrint and CafePress and wondering "What could I do with these shots???".

Anyway, today while the Goo was asleep on her afternoon nap, I put together a little Macro Photography Studio using the instructions at Strobist. The lilac flower image and the little yellow duck are shots taken from my little studio. The flower has the whole funky focus thing going on, the flower at the front is in sharp focus while the foliage and bud at the back are slightly blurred. It makes the flower at the front stand out more, almost as if it's floating above the plant. I love that!

As for Ducky, well he's got warm light coming from his left hand side and cool light coming from his right. It was a lesson in lighting for me. I love how Ducky's fur looks in the photo. The camera seems to really pick up the texture of it and the black background makes his white hair stand out more. Cute.

Hope you like my pics. I went a little crazy and took about 80 shots, but I didn't want to post all those here! There are probably four or five out of all the shots that I really like. Thank God for digital cameras, eh? I wouldn't be doing this if I had to cough up for film. As if.

A recent online discovery - Instructables

2007-10-10T09:57:00.000+10:00

I have to introduce y'all to Instructables, a great new site I discovered as I was reading all about people who buy Ikea products and hack them into something different. Instructables is basically a technical site with lots of tips on how to wire up cool stuff,... but thrown in are a few pearlers and a bit of useful stuff.

Firstly, here's my favourite Ikea-based instructable - Universal lamp shade polygon building kit. I LOVE these lights in store, but now that I know what shape they're using I can see all kinds of potential for it. Christmas tree baubles, gift wrapping, toys for Grace to play with,...

We have a Christmas tradition where I make everyone a Christmas bauble which involves a game or a puzzle. Sometimes it's a toy wrapped and wrapped in strips of crepe paper (which become streamers when the toy is unwrapped), and like a pass-the-parcel, it has lots of other things to discover along the way. Sometimes the centre's a Kinder Surprise. I usually print jokes, trivia, scriptures and stuff like that on long strips of paper for people to share during Christmas dinner.

Using the polygon shape, I could put all that trivia and stuff on the back of a polygon and give everyone their own colour-coded bundle tied with a ribbon. Then, the challenge could be to build a Christmas bauble using their polygon pieces. It would give them all something nice to hang on the tree. I could see some of my relatives having a great time building interesting shapes. They could use the ribbon to hang their baubles on the tree. Nice!

You could also make your own designer Christmas lights using these instructions. Make smaller polygons and attach them to a string of Christmas fairy lights. No one in your neighbourhood will have a set like yours. (-:

Here's an instructable on how to make longer handles for your baby stroller. This is amazingly useful when you realise that most strollers are too low and hurt your back when you push them for more than ten minutes.

How to kiss! While this is actually painful to read now, I can imagine a time in my teen years when I would have earnestly studied such an article. The thought of watching the video of the guy practising kissing in the mirror just makes me cringe. This is pretty funny.

Here's yet another useful article - How to clean your sinuses using a Neti Pot. This is one of the most useful ways of managing everything nasal, from the average cold through to chronic sinusitus. Scott and I both have one and we use it almost daily. Read it. Use it. But make sure you get pure salt (eg. from a health food store) with no iodine and no anti-caking agent added. The last thing you need is to be absorbing these chemicals through your mucus membranes!

Go and check out Instructables and be inspired. It's worth signing up so that you can print out the instructions. I'm sure you'll find something fun to make this weekend.

PS: Yes, I know this sounds like an ad, but frankly, I'm just enjoying it so much that I had to share it with everyone. No payments (of the cash variety) have been made!

Great foodie sites and Peanut OMG Surprise Cookies

2007-10-06T09:51:00.000+10:00

Yeah, I know it sounds stupid to post foodie sites when you're trying to lose weight etc, however these are sites that feature some pretty healthy recipes (in amongst the unctious chocolately gooey stuff).

Fresh for Kids is a site produced by the Sydney Fruit and Vegetable Markets. It has some wonderful and nutritious recipes and not just for kids either. I think there are some that sound awesome. I'm going to try the little sweetcorn and bacon frittatas as soon as I unpack my muffin tray!

The Cook and The Chef is my absolute favourite show on TV at the moment. I love Maggie and Simon. They're lovely and their recipes always sound delicious. I've tried two - Simon's mushroom paste and Maggie's Sticky Banana and French Toast. Both were yummmeee. They also do a background story on one of the ingredients they're using. This is often the most interesting part of the show - I always learn something new.

Ready Steady Cook is one of my favourites. I have a theory: if they can cook five meals in twenty minutes, I can probably cook one. My favourite chefs are Damien Heads, Janelle Bloom and Alastair McLeod. I have taken Janelle's peanut butter cookie recipe and tweaked it sufficiently that it deserves a new name. Here's the recipe:

Peanut OMG Surprise Cookies

Ingredients:

1 cup Kraft Peanut Butter (smooth or crunchie but don't get the reduced salt version! Urk!)
1 cup caster sugar
1 egg
1 tablespoon plain flour (give or take according to consistency of dough)
1 Snickers bar

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 160 degrees.

In a bowl mix peanut butter, caster sugar and egg together with a wooden spoon.

Mixture should form a fairly soft cookie dough, if it's too soft (This can happen if you've used a particularly oily brand of peanut butter) add up to a tablespoon of plain flour.

Chop your Snickers bar in half lengthwise down the centre and then in small slices (around half a centimetre thick).

Roll teaspoons of cookie dough between your hands, poke a hole with your thumb (as you would when making a jam drop) and push a piece of Snickers into the centre of the dough. Push the dough over the Snickers and roll back into a ball.

This mix is enough to make 24 decent-sized cookies. Spread them evenly over two greased/lined cookie trays. Bake one tray at a time in the preheated oven for approximately 17 minutes.

Allow cookies to cool on tray for 5 minutes before removing but don't leave them any longer. The heat of the tray continues the cooking process and you'll end up with burnt bottoms. )-:

The Snickers Bar melts inside the cookie to create a delicious sweet caramelly surprise in the centre. The outside looks plain so it takes people by surprise. These are OMG when eaten warm with vanilla ice cream, but they also keep well. For some reason the lack of flour seems to keep them crisp a lot longer than your traditional peanut butter cookie made with flour.

"Yum Tummy" As my gorgeous little Gracey says while patting her cute little belly.

My new strategy: Exercise

2007-10-05T16:46:00.000+10:00

I have given up on diets. I have decided to try another approach. I'm going to exercise once, maybe twice, a day and not worry a toss about the food. Exercise alone can significantly improve insulin resistance at the cell level and when this occurs, hopefully, my eating habits will naturally improve.

Over the years I have struggled with food. I tend to binge when I'm sad. I tend to obsess about food as soon as I sense the deprivation of a diet. I have had some serious counselling about it all and the outcome was that I need to learn to lean towards a particular way of eating, rather than undertake any kind of strict regimes.

Recently, I discovered something about myself. I learned that I am stuck in a breakfast rut of marmalade on toast (with real butter) and that's OK. In fact, if I never have anything else for breakfast ever, it's OK. That was the lesson I learned - it's OK. So I decided that if I can't change my breakfast of champions to some kind of healthier breakfast, I would revel in my marmalade on toast rut and try to tweak it. My tweak involved using a low GI bread like Helga's wholemeal wholegrain bread. Occasionally my marmalade toast treat is supplemented by an apple or a tub of yoghurt. I don't feel bad about this. There's nothing wrong with toast,... it's just that it's a meal that is entirely based on carbs. Not so good.

We'll see how the exercise thing pans out.

How to stay focused

2007-09-06T17:13:00.000+10:00

This is what I was looking for when I found the article on how to be a happier mum. Yes, I got distracted,... but this is a good simple article on how to focus on something enough to see it through to completion.

Now I just need something to help me with those distracting thoughts.

My old blog, Destination Digest, is still online

2007-09-06T17:02:00.000+10:00

If you have the strange desire to catch up on my back story, go to http://destinationdigest.tripod.com. I was surprised to find it still online. I haven't logged on to tripod in many many years. I wouldn't have a clue what my password is or even how to get it updated. But my old blog remains there like an old friend, a reminder of all the angst and struggle of infertility and missing my wonderful friends (and great times) in Melbourne.

Check it out some time. Marvel at how far I've come,... cry with me on my tragic pursuit of motherhood. Rejoice now, as I do (when I'm not moping) in being a mum and all of its joys and challenges.

This afternoon my daughter told me I was mean because I wouldn't let her eat chocolate for lunch. It cut me to the core. She got heaps of chocolate for dessert after she ate her lunch of reheated mince and vegies. I gave more than she really should have because I didn't want her to think I was mean. She's called me mean a couple of times lately. I'm surprised how much it hurts me. She says "love you" to Scott before bed, but she doesn't tell me that. I just get told I'm mean. It hurts.

I know she loves me. I'm the one she clings to for cuddles and safety,... I just don't want to be called "mean".

[sigh]

Tired of the plod?

2007-09-06T15:20:00.000+10:00

I love being a mum. I love motherhood,... but sometimes my mood is pretty low. Dangerously low. It does turn into a plod more often than not. Today it's freezing cold, we're housebound because of the pooring rain. We don't have a car so we can't go and try and find something interesting to do. After weeks of rain, I'm over this. I'm pretty sure Grace is over it too. Let's go watch Play School. [sigh]

I found a great article about how to be a happier mum - http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/parenting/02/15/par.happier.mom/index.html. It's worth a read if you're struggling to find the joy in the day to day trials of toddler taming.

I should be writing.

2007-09-02T08:35:00.000+10:00

Despite the fact that my mantra is "I should be writing", I have been enjoying a few craft projects lately. In fact, I am enjoying them far too much. I've been having a wonderful time constructing a couple of things out of paper mache - a tray (cross between a serving tray and a document tray) which I'm considering finishing with decoupage, and a floral motif copied from my doona cover.

Yesterday, though, I started work on a latch hook rug made from recycled plastic bags. Here's where I got my inspiration from: http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf32710164.tip.html. A few weeks ago I read about bags crocheted from old shopping bags. These bags (http://www.myrecycledbags.com/) are great, but I can not crochet. In fact, crochet fills me with almost as much rage as sewing. That's a lot. Latch hooking, on the other hand, is suitably simple and forgiving and beautiful for a klutz like me.

I have plans, after I've finished the recycled plastic doormat, to get some rag bags from the Salvation Army Op Shop and make a rug out of fabric scraps. I decided that I'm going to dye all the rags red, no matter what colour they are to start with. That way the blues will be reddy purple, the yellows will become orange, the greens will go reddy brown. In the end it will be like these people who get blonde foil highlights and then put a tint over their whole head. Despite the fact that their hair is various different colours, the tint over the top ties it all together in the end.

Several Christian and secular teachers discuss the concept of separation of self. In A More Excellent Way (http://www.themoreexcellentway.com/), Pastor Henry Wright says the root of all disease is caused by separation from God, separation from others or separation from self. Separation of self is not being true to yourself and who you are. Frankly, I've lived my entire life like this. I'm still working at finding out who I am. I've been living for someone else's expectations since I was tiny,... that's what I understood as being a good girl. I understood it to be swallowing any desires of my own, quashing my feelings and doing as I was told. As an adult this developed into trying to second guess people, anticipating what I thought they wanted me to say and saying it.

The real shame of it is that I never developed the ability to adequately communicate myself or who I am. That's why I became a writer. It's the only place where I can be true to myself. I can say what I think or feel, and if I think someone else won't like it then I don't show them what I've written. It's therapeutic to say what I feel, to say what I need to say. It's about pulling myself together. Yes, I self medicate with junk food, but I also self medicate with writing. At least that's a slightly healthier pursuit.

A little message from Grace.
ruyhdhgfdyfvhv ijhtle yg7

Followed by "eeee-oooohh eeee-oooohh eeee-oooohh". She's just recently learned the sound that a fire engine makes. Cool.

Two years since Grace arrived.

2007-08-21T20:35:00.000+10:00

Grace recently celebrated her second birthday and it got me thinking about everything that happened around her arrival. Of course, there was the eight years of fertility treatment,... but there was also a very traumatic pregnancy. I spent the first four months of it horizontal in order to allow progesterone pessaries to be absorbed by the placenta. I spent the next four and a bit months injecting myself with insulin four times a day. But as we celebrate Grace's second birthday, it's the saga of her arrival that makes me shudder. I am reposting the original entry from my old blog that I posted a few days after arriving home from hospital.

The Saga

We were all set to have a planned caesarean on Tuesday 16 August. On Thursday, 11 August I met with Dr Molloy for my last appointment before delivery. He gave me final instructions, checked some blood tests etc. I had a hypo on Wednesday, and then another one again on Thursday morning before the appointment. Dr Molloy told me if I had another hypo (extremely low blood sugar level) to call him as they are an indication that the placenta is failing. Despite eating after I left his office, my blood sugar dropped from 6.9 to 2.9 in less than half an hour. It was frightening because I felt the sudden drop in blood sugar as a kind of light headed dizziness and nearly drove off the road.

I sat in McDonald's carpark sucking spoonfuls of honey and freaking out. When I rang Dr Molloy he told me to drop everything and go to hospital where he would meet me and do an emergency caesar. It was amazingly quick. Eating honey didn't interfere with the anaesthetic and within an hour I was on the operating table having my baby delivered.

The whole process was quite surreal and it happened so quickly that I didn't have time to panic. I had a spinal block and the drugs they gave me for it were very happy drugs and the fourteen+ people in theatre were all talking to me constantly. I felt like I was just having a big chat.

Scott and I were pleasantly surprised to find out we had a baby girl. She was so sweet that I did fall in love with her instantly. I know some mothers/fathers had warned me I might not love them immediately,... but they're full of crap. I loved Grace absolutely from the first moment I heard her gorgeous little baby voice.

She was born at 37 weeks. Because she was very small (2.6kg or 5 pounds 11 ounces) and just a little early, she needed to spend time in the special care nursery. Grace was in a humidicrib for the first 24 hours, and she was fed through a gavage tube (down the nose into the stomach) for the first three or four days.

We spent a week in hospital, which is a bit longer than normal. That was mainly to give Grace longer to get a handle on feeding etc. It also helped me because I started to develop an infection in my stomach. I had (and continue to have) constant fevers/shivers caused by fluid pooling in my stomach. I have been put on antibiotics, but I have to just put up with the pain and inconvenience of having this fluid pooling in my stomach and draining through my caesar wound until it is completely drained in two or three weeks.

Basically, I am tired and overwhelmed from the entire process and I apologise to all those people who I promised would receive baby photos before now. Unfortunately, the emergency nature of the caesar meant that Scott had to manage his work at Mincom and Harris R/C as well as being at the hospital for me and doing all my washing etc. All the emails got done in a terrible rush when he had the chance to send them, and I'm only now replying to them all.

Books I'm reading,...

2007-08-09T13:48:00.000+10:00

I'm currently reading "Riding the bus with my sister: a true life journey" by Rachel Simon. I'm enjoying it so far, but I won't recommend it either way until I've finished reading. I once did that and got caught out. I started reading "The Bride Stripped Bare" by Nikki Gemmel and I got completely caught up in the feminine beauty and sweetness of the first part of the story. I began raving about it to my friend Audrey and, of course, she wanted to read my copy as soon as I finished it. The problem was, the second half of the book was creepy and hideous, verging on offensive. I began to apologise to Audrey and tell her I'd been a little premature in my praise, but by then her mind was made up and she wanted to read it. I forced myself to read the second half - gagging all the while - and then passed it on to her. We both thought the book sucked because the second half read like it had been thumb-tacked onto the front half of someone else's novel. Strange.

This is not the first time I've noticed an ending that reads as if it were stuck on the end of a book. "Journey to the stone country" by Alex Miller is the same**. It's as if an editor said to the writer "You've missed out on a plot point here, it needs an ending" and the writer has cooked up some irrelevant garb to keep the editor happy. Frankly, I imagine the author probably thought the ending was quite adequate without the tacked on bit. You don't always need endings spelled out for you. Sometimes it's good to leave the (happy or otherwise) ending as implied. [sigh] I don't pretend to be an expert,... I'm usually quite supportive when I read a book, I love to go along with the author and believe everything they tell me in the interests of having a lovely read,... but sometimes I just want to ring up the publisher and rant. Not that they'd listen to me. Not that the receptionist would even put my call through. I know, I know. I used to be that cute little receptionist protecting my boss from all manner of nutcases.'

**Yes, I know this book won the Miles Franklin Award. What would I know about decent book endings? I just read the things!

2007-07-06T21:30:00.000+10:00

Some of you will be wondering where all my past history has gone. I began blogging way back in 1998. Every now and then I wipe my slate clean and start again. I did this recently by using blogger instead of a web-hosting box we were using in the States. Blogger was a more useful option while we were travelling and now I prefer it because I don't need to bother about with HTML codes etc.

[sigh]

Once upon a time I was interested in technology, amazed by it. These days it's burdensome and confusing. Every time my mobile phone dies and I have to learn a new one, I'm annoyed. Currently, I have a very pretty pink phone that does lots of things,... but it is missing some of the most useful functions of my old phone. There is no key lock, for example. Grace can just plonk away at the keypad and ring Siberia for all I know.

Anyway, if you are here wandering around looking for my article on Deb Conway, I will repost it shortly. In the mean time, I discovered an old stash of poems I wrote in 2002 and I was moved by their emotion. I'm posting one here for your reading pleasure.

Dear Father,

Your son seeks your approval.
There’s nothing else
necessary.

In order to gain it
He will lie
He will reject
himself
He will pretend
He will strive
He will deny vital aspects of
his character
He will try cheap imitations.

There’s nothing he’d
rather have.

I used to be able to come and sit at your feet.
My
world was only as big as the arms length up to your lap.
There I was warm,
safe, loved, accepted.
My tiny world was complete.

Now you’re
gone
I’m alone with my black heart.
Hollow people speak lies about
acceptance and love.
I’m cold.
I annoy people.

I’ll do
anything you want
Just to have you back.
I lie to myself and then to
others.
I fear your frown.
I pretend,
I strive, someday I’ll get
there.

I am a suitcase which my soul carries
around.

Would you mind if I apologise for my existence?
I do
appear to be taking up valuable air space.
If we were on a sinking ship,
I’d be the first to jump off with the cargo.
Perhaps even
before.

I would give up my life if it would make you think more of
me.
My life is so obviously unimportant
Let me wait
While your life
goes on
I’m hoping mine will
Grow in importance later on.

Reflecting on the Protest Art Adventure

2007-05-28T10:07:00.000+10:00

There is something incredibly delicious about doing something a little rebellious. Although my heart was pounding with fear as I carried out my Protest Art mission, there was something wonderful about it. I could feel so many emotions that you just don't feel in your ordinary daily life.

It was a good thing. I think it's worth pushing ourselves once in a while to do something a little scary. Some people encourage you to do something that scares you every day,... I'm a bit softer,... just scare yourself every once in a while.

Oh, and speaking out against stupid double standards is a good way to scare yourself too.

WARNING: SUPER SPIRRO - Writing at the gates of Heaven

2007-02-08T08:25:00.000+10:00

Dear Heavenly Father,

I praise your Holy and awesome name. I pray that while I am here on earth, there would be an angel in Heaven, constantly setting my praises before you. Let them be like a candle that never burns out, or incense that is pleasant to your nose. Perhaps you would prefer the smell of a smokey BBQ? I remember reading once that you love the smell of burning fat on the altar. The bitter spices meld with the meat of the Lamb and then the fat burns and, I imagine, you share our fascination with the BBQ.

Praise your Holy Name, Lord God, from the rising of the sun to the setting of the sun. When the day is new, cold and fresh as a pair of underpants in my top drawer, I'll praise your mighty Name. When the sun is high and I'm craving chips and gravy or KFC, I'll praise your kind name. When the shadows are stretching and the mince has thawed, I'll lift up my voice to you. My God, My King, Lord of Heaven and Earth. I am grateful for your presence in my life. Overjoyed, that you found me as such a young child. What a joy that you've been with me all along. But it is more joy to know you as my friend. It is a joy to know you and trust you and think about who you really are. I admit, I have much to learn. There are many books, chapters and verses of my Bible that remain unread,... but the ones I have read just keep on giving. Their meaning is deep, hidden in the depth of the Holy Spirit's revelations, coloured by the events of life, pushed deeper into the soil of my soul by faith.

Lord God, I would like to climb up and sit on your lap. I was hoping you would let me sit there. Perhaps I'll get a chance for a cuddle and to lick your nose. I'll crawl and jump and eventually, with a little help, I'll make it onto your lap. I love you, My King, Prince of Earth, King of Heaven, Almighty Counsellor, Lord of Lords. From 6:30am to 11:59pm I will praise you. In the dreamscapes of the night I will shout your name. You are always on my mind. You are always in my heart. Before you, Oh Lord, I bow. To you alone do I lift up my heart. You are my treasure.

Amen & Hallelujah.

Introducing myself,....

2007-02-03T11:54:00.000+10:00

:Hi,

I'm Anna. I'm a little self absorbed, that's probably why I like blogging so much. I am a mummy now. I can say that after eight years of TTC. Eight years of praying, begging, being poked and prodded and dyed and injected. When my daughter Grace calls me mum, I still get choked up. I really earned that title.

When I was in high school, I used to pass notes with a couple of friends (Hi Buzzy & Tatum) who were in different classes to me. We played sport together once a week and the rest of the time we just passed notes in the hallways as we went to class. Often, the notes were just lists of things, but we got to know each other pretty well through those lists.

Here's a list of things I love:

The fizz in Coke Zero
Sleeping on 100% cotton sheets
Writing
Watching the West Wing
Cooking a new recipe
Collage
Magic clips (also known as Nalclips)
Ice cubes
Lemons
A good pen

Stay tuned for a list of things I hate.