This afternoon I made an executive call and ended my fast. I celebrated with Scott and Grace. We shared a heavy coffee and a block of chocolate. The chocolate was lovely, the coffee was ho-hum. I have two issues with coffee at the moment. Firstly, the caffeine does me no favours. Secondly, the presence of dairy concerns me as it is not the wonderchild of a superfood and according to my reading, causes the body extra work in its digestion.
Coffee is so insidious though. It felt so normal to drink it again and I thought it hardly seems like I stopped for 20 days. Then upon reflection I realised it wasn't 20 days. It took me about 5 to wean myself off, so I really only stopped for about 15 days. An hour or so after that coffee, I found myself thinking that I'd really like another one of those. I really had to pull myself up or I would have just marched out to the kitchen on some kind of autopilot and made one. [sigh] Habits don't die easy.
There was some guilt associated with ending the fast early. And there was even more at introducing dairy to my vegan fast last weekend. I apologise for not blogging about it but I've been going through a lot of personal/work challenges in the past week, not to mention struggling to cope with this fast. While the first half of the fast was spiritual, the second half was just holding on. Adding diary to the fast felt like a cop out to keep myself sane and try to help myself to stick with the fast.
Looking back, my fast was far from perfect. But I learned something from my imperfect attempt. It was that there was value, even in my imperfection. The fast showed me that I could control what I ate, I could control my reactions. I learned that I could use alternatives to help me cope - especially with the major disappointment of not winning the BHAG house.
Towards the end of the fast my attitude stank. I was tired and ready for it to be finished. I agonised for the last week with guilt for introducing diary and then guilt for finishing early. It was almost as if I was conceding defeat this afternoon by ending it early. In a way, I was.
I have experienced the great GRACE of God in the past few hours as I dwelled on my imperfection. It's like God is telling me I value your efforts. I'm glad you tried. It's not all or nothing. There is great value in what you've done. You've learned lessons in coping, lessons about yourself,... you've trusted me. You've been humble and you've been humbled.
The revelation that there was value in imperfection inspired me. I instantly started vaccuuming and cleaning the bathroom because it didn't matter if it was perfect or complete anymore. What matttered was that I make an effort. After two hours cleaning and scrubbing, I felt fantastic.
I learned something and I believe God broke the spirit of '"Perfectionism" off my life.
Hallelujah and Amen.
Sunday, 21 March 2010
The ache of detoxification.
Forgot to mention here the aching pains I got in my legs around days 7 - 9 of the fast. They were enough to keep me awake at night. I assume it was my body detoxing. Perhaps it was to do with the caffeine.
I am completely off caffeine now, which feels great. I will allow myself the odd social coffee with friends, but I'm not going to drink it at home or on my own. I'll stick to herbal teas at those times. I don't want to subject my body to the rigours of daily caffeine use, when it becomes so dependent on it. I was a regular 3 cup a day drinker with 2 decafs in the later part of the day. I would get a headache if I missed my morning coffee, but missing others would just make me grumpy. Now, I'm fine without it and if I get offered one, I don't particularly want it.
Along similar lines, I used to be quite addicted to Coke Zero too. I don't even want one. I'd rather drink water or juice. I'm not missing it. That is saving me quite a bit of money.
Bargain.
I am completely off caffeine now, which feels great. I will allow myself the odd social coffee with friends, but I'm not going to drink it at home or on my own. I'll stick to herbal teas at those times. I don't want to subject my body to the rigours of daily caffeine use, when it becomes so dependent on it. I was a regular 3 cup a day drinker with 2 decafs in the later part of the day. I would get a headache if I missed my morning coffee, but missing others would just make me grumpy. Now, I'm fine without it and if I get offered one, I don't particularly want it.
Along similar lines, I used to be quite addicted to Coke Zero too. I don't even want one. I'd rather drink water or juice. I'm not missing it. That is saving me quite a bit of money.
Bargain.
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Noticing a distinct drop in cravings,...
The caffeine cravings are long gone so we can all rejoice in that. But what I've noticed is that my desire for hot drinks is fading too. It seems there is nothing really keeping me attracted to them,... after all, herbal tea has no caffeine hit. I drink it without milk so there are not even any calories. In this heat, I don't even want to drink it. I have been drinking plenty of water and a little bit of fruit juice.
But one other craving really surprised me yesterday. I worked an 8+ hour day on my feet in a busy florist shop. We always stop for lunch but we don't tend to stop for morning tea unless it's dead. Needless to say, we were pretty busy yesterday and didn't stop to eat. I normally find myself walking out of the shop at 5pm-ish feeling ravenous and looking for the nearest chocolate bar / crisps / carb-dense thing I can get my hands on. But not yesterday. Yesterday, I walked to the car after work and I had not eaten morning tea or afternoon tea. No cappucino mid-afternoon to keep me going, no muesli bar or cakey-thing. I was very surprised to find that I wasn't even hungry at 5pm. I had an apple in my bag and munched it during the drive home, but the muesli bar and banana were left untouched.
It is so unlike me, that this is the point in my fast where I start thinking about the changes this is having on my body. As someone with PCOS / insulin resistance, the carbohydrate pendulum is swinging furiously day and night, going from absolute hunger to insulin overload in a rhythmic swing throughout the day. Doing this Daniel Fast interrupts that swing and the insulin production slows dramatically and with it, my cravings for food. I recognise this sensation from last time I fasted, the difference being that I'm fasting for 21 days this time, not 10.
I'm hoping that I'll be able to take this dietary sense of calm forward. I'm hoping that in future I'll be able to get through my work days, on my feet and running around, without feeling hungry for hollow carbs. It is, after all, the other food groups that are meeting most of my needs throughout the day. Nutritionist Cindy O'Meara says carbs are great for making you feel sleepy in the evening and questions why anyone would eat them at breakfast,.... but many people do.
So there is a sense of excitement as I continue with this fast. Previous attempts would have stopped at this point - day 10 - but for me, this is the part where I try and make all these positive changes a part of my daily routine. We'll see how it goes.
BTW: I don't think I won the home Better Homes & Gardens were giving away at Brightwater. They partied there all day yesterday and not only was I not invited, but they rubbed it in my face all day long on our local radio station, 91.1FM. Cruel. It was absolutely heartless!!!!! Notice that I didn't resort to old coping mechanisms like comfort food? Even when I was really disappointed? Progress, my friends, in the face of adversity. Yay me!!!!
But one other craving really surprised me yesterday. I worked an 8+ hour day on my feet in a busy florist shop. We always stop for lunch but we don't tend to stop for morning tea unless it's dead. Needless to say, we were pretty busy yesterday and didn't stop to eat. I normally find myself walking out of the shop at 5pm-ish feeling ravenous and looking for the nearest chocolate bar / crisps / carb-dense thing I can get my hands on. But not yesterday. Yesterday, I walked to the car after work and I had not eaten morning tea or afternoon tea. No cappucino mid-afternoon to keep me going, no muesli bar or cakey-thing. I was very surprised to find that I wasn't even hungry at 5pm. I had an apple in my bag and munched it during the drive home, but the muesli bar and banana were left untouched.
It is so unlike me, that this is the point in my fast where I start thinking about the changes this is having on my body. As someone with PCOS / insulin resistance, the carbohydrate pendulum is swinging furiously day and night, going from absolute hunger to insulin overload in a rhythmic swing throughout the day. Doing this Daniel Fast interrupts that swing and the insulin production slows dramatically and with it, my cravings for food. I recognise this sensation from last time I fasted, the difference being that I'm fasting for 21 days this time, not 10.
I'm hoping that I'll be able to take this dietary sense of calm forward. I'm hoping that in future I'll be able to get through my work days, on my feet and running around, without feeling hungry for hollow carbs. It is, after all, the other food groups that are meeting most of my needs throughout the day. Nutritionist Cindy O'Meara says carbs are great for making you feel sleepy in the evening and questions why anyone would eat them at breakfast,.... but many people do.
So there is a sense of excitement as I continue with this fast. Previous attempts would have stopped at this point - day 10 - but for me, this is the part where I try and make all these positive changes a part of my daily routine. We'll see how it goes.
BTW: I don't think I won the home Better Homes & Gardens were giving away at Brightwater. They partied there all day yesterday and not only was I not invited, but they rubbed it in my face all day long on our local radio station, 91.1FM. Cruel. It was absolutely heartless!!!!! Notice that I didn't resort to old coping mechanisms like comfort food? Even when I was really disappointed? Progress, my friends, in the face of adversity. Yay me!!!!
Friday, 5 March 2010
I love the Shunnamite Woman
Re-reading the post about the Shunnamite Woman just makes me cry. God will give me a house. I know He will. He gave me a child when I was barren all those years. He gave me, the girl who couldn't have kids and tried everything, a gorgeous little girl. I do believe in miracles. I do.
In the photo: The gorgeous little girl - aka Gracey the Rock Chick - all partied out after singing too much 'Livin on a prayer' by Bon Jovi.
Thursday, 4 March 2010
Day 4 - Recipes and Ideas
While doing my Daniel Fast, I've been eating a vegan diet. It makes breakfast hard, because cereal is not so nice without cows milk and, frankly, I'm not keen on soy milk or rice milk. They just taste yuk. I'd rather not have milk than drink that stuff. I know that makes me sound fussy, but I would seriously rather make my porridge with water and throw a bit of fruit on top of it, than to try to convince my tastebuds that soy milk tastes as good as cows milk.
Anyway, here are some of the recipes I've been playing around with on my fast.
Brekky Hash
This was inspired by Nigella's Brekky Hash - but she has bacon.
1 x tomato diced
1 x decent sized mushroom sliced
1 x Good handful of baby spinach leaves
1 x splash of extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper
Parsley if you have it.
Stir-fry all ingredients on a med-high heat until hot and spinach is wilted, around 3 - 5 minutes.
Serve on toasted wholegrain / sourdough bread or alongside some baked beans.
Optional idea: add some sliced fresh chilli to the mix.
Tainton's Carrot Salad
Grated carrot
Shredded coconut
Slivered almonds
Blackcurrants
Toast the coconut and roast the almonds. Toss all the ingredients together into a bowl and enjoy it. It works best with baby carrots because they are naturally sweet.
Date stuffed apples
These apples literally have their dates stuffed with apples.
Granny smith apple
Date (1 per apple)
Honey
Cinnamon
Remove the core from granny smith apple, leaving a clean hole in the centre. Run a horizontal slit around the skin so that the apple can swell on cooking. Stuff the apple hole with the date. Top it with a drizzle of honey and some cinnamon. Bake in the oven on 200c for approximately 20 minutes. This would be nice with accompaniments but none of them are included on my fast so I ate it straight.
A couple of ideas that work well in a vegan fast:
Sushi Rolls with Vegetable Fillings
Thai Rice Paper Rolls.
Anyway, here are some of the recipes I've been playing around with on my fast.
Brekky Hash
This was inspired by Nigella's Brekky Hash - but she has bacon.
1 x tomato diced
1 x decent sized mushroom sliced
1 x Good handful of baby spinach leaves
1 x splash of extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper
Parsley if you have it.
Stir-fry all ingredients on a med-high heat until hot and spinach is wilted, around 3 - 5 minutes.
Serve on toasted wholegrain / sourdough bread or alongside some baked beans.
Optional idea: add some sliced fresh chilli to the mix.
Tainton's Carrot Salad
Grated carrot
Shredded coconut
Slivered almonds
Blackcurrants
Toast the coconut and roast the almonds. Toss all the ingredients together into a bowl and enjoy it. It works best with baby carrots because they are naturally sweet.
Date stuffed apples
These apples literally have their dates stuffed with apples.
Granny smith apple
Date (1 per apple)
Honey
Cinnamon
Remove the core from granny smith apple, leaving a clean hole in the centre. Run a horizontal slit around the skin so that the apple can swell on cooking. Stuff the apple hole with the date. Top it with a drizzle of honey and some cinnamon. Bake in the oven on 200c for approximately 20 minutes. This would be nice with accompaniments but none of them are included on my fast so I ate it straight.
A couple of ideas that work well in a vegan fast:
Sushi Rolls with Vegetable Fillings
Thai Rice Paper Rolls.
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Pride comes before a,....
Well, after yesterday's proud humility, comes the inevitable fall. I was out, jetsetting around the coast. I was prepared with nuts, fruit and boiling water in a thermos for some herbal tea. I'd drunk my one coffee for the day and,.... well, I confess,... I bought a coffee. Not only did I not need the coffee (since I had already drunk one an hour or two before), the coffee was not part of my fast and neither was the MILK it was made from.
I do feel like I have committed a monumental blunder here. I wonder about the implications for the rest of my fast. Does God turn his face away from me now? Do I have to pay some kind of fasting penance?
No. I do need to come before God and repent though. My heart,.... the heart attitude that made me buy that coffee when I didn't need one, was one of selfishness and pride. My focus was not on God but on me and my body and how nice it would make me feel to drink a warm milky coffee on this miserable rain-flooded day. Even as I ordered it, I felt guilty. Repentance is necessary,...
But I know that as I come to God with a sorry heart and seek forgiveness he will be faithful and just and He will give me more opportunities to draw near to Him.
I love the promises of God. These are what I am holding out for with this fast. I am reminding God of the good promises He has made to me, the barren woman, who doesn't have enough money for a home.
I do feel like I have committed a monumental blunder here. I wonder about the implications for the rest of my fast. Does God turn his face away from me now? Do I have to pay some kind of fasting penance?
No. I do need to come before God and repent though. My heart,.... the heart attitude that made me buy that coffee when I didn't need one, was one of selfishness and pride. My focus was not on God but on me and my body and how nice it would make me feel to drink a warm milky coffee on this miserable rain-flooded day. Even as I ordered it, I felt guilty. Repentance is necessary,...
But I know that as I come to God with a sorry heart and seek forgiveness he will be faithful and just and He will give me more opportunities to draw near to Him.
Psalm 113
1 Praise the LORD.
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.
2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.
3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.
4 The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.
5 Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,
6 who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?
7 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
8 he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.
9 He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.
I love the promises of God. These are what I am holding out for with this fast. I am reminding God of the good promises He has made to me, the barren woman, who doesn't have enough money for a home.
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Proud of myself,...
I am proud of myself for being so humble. Sounds stupid, I know,... but what I mean is I'm proud of myself for laying my pride down at the Lord's feet through fasting. I'm really glad I've done this - even just for two days!!!
For two whole days my actions have showed the Lord that He is God in my life. Every meal and snack time is an opportunity to humble myself and honour God. Even if I collapse and crumble tomorrow, I will still be happy with myself for spending two days honouring God. If I can make it to 21, all the better!!!!
Q: How often in our busy lives do we set aside time for God?
A: Not very! We rush around from alarm clock to couch collapse doing things we will have forgotten all about in two months time.
But fasting has eternal significance. It is an act of worship and of breaking down strongholds. It glorifies God and it heals my body all at the same time. What a miracle!
So today, I felt closer to God than I have in a long time and it was because I had been obedient to His word. In 1 Samuel 15:22 it says to obey is better than sacrifice, meaning it is far better to do as God asks in the first place, than to sin and rely on the Grace of God. Obedience is joyful and abundant. Sacrifice carries with it scar tissue and regret.
For two whole days my actions have showed the Lord that He is God in my life. Every meal and snack time is an opportunity to humble myself and honour God. Even if I collapse and crumble tomorrow, I will still be happy with myself for spending two days honouring God. If I can make it to 21, all the better!!!!
Q: How often in our busy lives do we set aside time for God?
A: Not very! We rush around from alarm clock to couch collapse doing things we will have forgotten all about in two months time.
But fasting has eternal significance. It is an act of worship and of breaking down strongholds. It glorifies God and it heals my body all at the same time. What a miracle!
So today, I felt closer to God than I have in a long time and it was because I had been obedient to His word. In 1 Samuel 15:22 it says to obey is better than sacrifice, meaning it is far better to do as God asks in the first place, than to sin and rely on the Grace of God. Obedience is joyful and abundant. Sacrifice carries with it scar tissue and regret.
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