I should be writing.

Despite the fact that my mantra is "I should be writing", I have been enjoying a few craft projects lately. In fact, I am enjoying them far too much. I've been having a wonderful time constructing a couple of things out of paper mache - a tray (cross between a serving tray and a document tray) which I'm considering finishing with decoupage, and a floral motif copied from my doona cover.

Yesterday, though, I started work on a latch hook rug made from recycled plastic bags. Here's where I got my inspiration from: http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf32710164.tip.html. A few weeks ago I read about bags crocheted from old shopping bags. These bags (http://www.myrecycledbags.com/) are great, but I can not crochet. In fact, crochet fills me with almost as much rage as sewing. That's a lot. Latch hooking, on the other hand, is suitably simple and forgiving and beautiful for a klutz like me.

I have plans, after I've finished the recycled plastic doormat, to get some rag bags from the Salvation Army Op Shop and make a rug out of fabric scraps. I decided that I'm going to dye all the rags red, no matter what colour they are to start with. That way the blues will be reddy purple, the yellows will become orange, the greens will go reddy brown. In the end it will be like these people who get blonde foil highlights and then put a tint over their whole head. Despite the fact that their hair is various different colours, the tint over the top ties it all together in the end.

Several Christian and secular teachers discuss the concept of separation of self. In A More Excellent Way (http://www.themoreexcellentway.com/), Pastor Henry Wright says the root of all disease is caused by separation from God, separation from others or separation from self. Separation of self is not being true to yourself and who you are. Frankly, I've lived my entire life like this. I'm still working at finding out who I am. I've been living for someone else's expectations since I was tiny,... that's what I understood as being a good girl. I understood it to be swallowing any desires of my own, quashing my feelings and doing as I was told. As an adult this developed into trying to second guess people, anticipating what I thought they wanted me to say and saying it.

The real shame of it is that I never developed the ability to adequately communicate myself or who I am. That's why I became a writer. It's the only place where I can be true to myself. I can say what I think or feel, and if I think someone else won't like it then I don't show them what I've written. It's therapeutic to say what I feel, to say what I need to say. It's about pulling myself together. Yes, I self medicate with junk food, but I also self medicate with writing. At least that's a slightly healthier pursuit.


A little message from Grace.
ruyhdhgfdyfvhv ijhtle yg7

Followed by "eeee-oooohh eeee-oooohh eeee-oooohh". She's just recently learned the sound that a fire engine makes. Cool.