Pet Peeve O' the day

I hate the waay children's TV programs invent words. Poor Grace will grow up thinking lunarific and positooney are real words. Even worse, she'll probably grow up thinking "I will not ever never
eat a tomato" is a gramatically correct sentence.

[sigh]

I guess you can't believe everything you hear on TV. These seem like less than white lies in the scheme of things.

A reason for Mums to use one (just one) cloth nappy a day,...

I've been giving this some thought. The thought of managing six or seven cloth nappies a day is pretty overwhelming and would add quite a bit of work to a busy mum's life.

However, if they just made the switch for one of those nappies each day, they would still save a significant amount of both money and landfill space. Think about this:

Based on an average cost per nappy of 42c each (I used Mums Happy Nappies prices for Baby Love and Huggies to get an average price), making the switch once a day could save $153.30 per year, while the landfill savings would be approximately one third of a tonne (based on the average volume of a full wet nappy). That's one third of the capacity of your average builder's ute.

It's worth considering,....

Deborah Conway - Still Alive and Brilliant

A woman with smooth skin and big red lips, Deb opens her mouth unusually wide. She looks lovely on stage but is stunning on camera. Her photographic halo burns red on stage. She spits fire and rage out over the audience.

Deborah (Deb) Conway was born in Melbourne on 8 August 1959. Her schoolgirl photos are featured in the Jewish-Australian museum in Sydney.

Deborah's tall frame and photogenic features paid her way through uni and modelling was her first feminist soapbox. Her refusal to shave her legs and armpits cost occasional modelling jobs but her feminist values didn't stop her putting her ass behind the "Bluegr" for Bluegrass jeans .

It was 1979 when Deborah joined Melbourne band The Benders. Her father, a Toorak lawyer, sent her to a psychiatrist. He was convinced that since she had joined a band she would then take up drugs. She admits to a little experimentation. The Benders' drummer, Dorland Bray was her mentor. She wrote her first songs with him. It is rumoured she was best man at his wedding. Deborah became the vocalist for Sydney punk band Do Re Mi in 1981 and went on to have significant levels of chart success. Deb wrote their top selling single "Man Overboard," the first song on the Australian charts to have phrases like 'penis envy' and 'pubic hair' in the lyrics. She lived with Paul Hester at the time, best known as the drummer in Crowded House.

In 1988 Do Re Mi followed in the footsteps of Aussie greats like the Easybeats and AC/DC, going to the United Kingdom in search of international success. Virgin UK soon offered Do Re Mi a recording contract. Pete Townshend from The Who saw Deborah perform in a Do Re Mi video and offered her a role singing on his album, "Iron Man". Conway said "He's a charming, erudite man with lots of stories and the sessions were easy,… The direct result happened some time later. Virgin [UK], having got wind that I would do other work outside of Do Re Mi slapped a solo deal on the table saying that they wanted that before another Do Re [Mi] album." Townshend's album was not the only solo project Deborah did in London. She played a goddess, clothed while everyone else was naked, in Peter Greenaway's film, "Prospero's Books." She also sang on the film's soundtrack.

The Australian press accused Do Re Mi and Deb Conway of naivety, saying Deb was only chart fodder and implying that she should have known better. She rejected that notion, and the solo album recorded for Virgin UK was never released . Do Re Mi resisted Virgin UK's attempts to split the band for about a year, before breaking up on bad terms anyway.

Deb went to Los Angeles for a year and spent time there learning the guitar. She drew on old friendships with Australian singer/songwriters like Paul Kelly, Tim Finn and Mark Seymour, and began to write her own music. It was three years, six producers, four false starts, three continents and two record companies before 1991 album "String of Pearls" was released." "It's only the beginning," was Conway's most successful song, reaching its highest position of #19 on the Australian charts during August 1991. The album sold 70,000 copies and went platinum, a vindication for the stand she made in London. In 1991 she won an ARIA award for best Female Artist. The success did not translate into dollars for Conway. Her desperation to rebuild her career meant that she signed a contract entitling her to publishing rights only - she received nothing from the record sales.

"One step forward, two steps backward," her song Alive and Brilliant says. "I won't wrestle, you won't talk back," she sings of life experiences that could belong to anyone, but they remain hers, loaned out to us for three minutes at a time. "That really hurts, I'm still alive and brilliant".

In 1991 Deborah incorporated her newfound guitar skills into a touring stage act, "Deborah Conway and the Mothers of Pearl" . She said it felt more natural to sing and play guitar on stage. She became romantically and musically involved with a guitarist she hired for the tour, Willy Zygier. "I recognised almost immediately a kindred spirit and a cute arse," she said. She considered song writing one of the most intimate of all human exchanges. The musical partnership of Conway / Zygier was now formed. Zygier collaborated on her next album, 'Bitch Epic' in 1993. The cover art included a naked Conway, slathered in chocolate spread, ready to devour a tray full of creamy cakes. Conway said: "What struck me more about the photo was that I was all mouth and covered in chocolate, rather than if you look really close you can see a tiny bit of nipple."

A routine week 18 ultrasound of Deb and Willy's unborn first child, Syd Dolores, prompted a side project in 1995. The band called Ultrasound, included Deborah, Willy, Paul Hester and Bill McDonald. They recorded an album of electronic pop in five days using songs left over from old projects. Willy, and fellow band member, Paul Hester were left to do interviews and promote the album while Deborah nursed her newborn baby. There was no tour and the album received little airplay. As a result, the album sold very few copies.

Deb and Willy took their newborn baby to the UK where they spent two years. The culmination of that trip was Deborah's third album, "My Third Husband," released in 1997. The album was recorded in their loungeroom with newly purchased recording equipment, juggling equipment manuals and breastfeeding. She and Willy wrote songs at night while baby Syd slept. Conway believes this dark night-time mood is reflected in the album. They returned to Australia in 1997 to release the album and promote it. While the critics acclaimed the album, radio stations viewed it as not commercial enough and it received little radio airplay.

Conway was now six months pregnant with her second daughter, Alma DelRay, and touring to promote "My Third Husband". She explains: "I frocked up in red sequins with a large heart cut-out over the lump in gold mesh and highlighted with rhinestones. It was a showstopper with a slow reveal as the guitar which I played for the first five songs covered the heart completely. I wanted to get Shirley-Bassey-meets-Danny-La-Rue in a postmodern pastiche of glamour and earth mother-alien style. Anyway, it had the desired effect and audience and critics alike sent up a collective gasp".

Deborah had two more daughters before she recorded her next album. Alma DelRay was born in late 1997, and Hettie Ira was born in early 2000. It would be easy to assume that Conway was busy with motherhood during that time; however a new album was brewing. A new record label, Shock Records, and a new album represented a step into the alternative domain. The new label was an attempt to force the music industry and consumers to recategorise Conway. The album she released through Shock Records, "Exquisite Stereo," received critical acclaim but poor sales. Once again, she sings, "It's been a long time, a long time, since anyone meant what they said…That really hurts, I'm still alive and brilliant."

Deborah's disappointment with the lack of commercial success prompted her to consider other options. She auditioned for the part of Patsy Cline in a stage play, saying she had nothing to lose. The part in a national touring show was a novelty for Conway, who is more used to juggling dirty nappies with recording equipment and low budget tours. Five star hotel rooms, courtesy Mercedes Benz' and eight hours sleep a night signalled a luxury holiday from motherhood. She wrote a web log of her 'Cline' experience for her 'mostly unofficial' web-site.

Conway describes the evening after September 11: "We played a show on 12 September 2001. It was a particularly difficult performance, one woman down the front wept for almost the entire evening, we played our bums off anyway. When we got to Patsy's plane crash, I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. But we kept it together for the sake of music lovers everywhere. Then we got to go home and weep too."

A closer look at Conway's web log reveals a mother that loves her children, a woman still trying to figure out who she is. Deborah has determined not to be the kind of performer that does things just for commercial reasons, but she'll occasionally surprise. Categorise her as rock-chick deftly managing motherhood and music, and it comes out that she allows journalists to sit in the back seat of her car during cross town trips - while breastfeeding! Perhaps idealism is no longer commercially viable. She sees Patsy Cline as a watershed moment in her career, and has made the foray into commercialism one more time with a 'Best of' album. Conway says the album has the quality of an obituary.

But Deborah Conway is far from a memory and her career is far from over. Her career has covered many places other musicians would fear to tread, and reached heights that some can only aspire to. She has had the privilege of juggling motherhood with music and devoting her working life to something that she loves. Deborah Conway is a woman who may have nothing to lose in career terms, but her richness exists in multiple facets. She is still alive and brilliant.

For more info on Deb

Online

• Perfect Patsy (C. Webb), Sydney Morning Herald [Accessed 27 September 2002 - no longer online]


• Deborah Conway - Mostly Unofficial Site (M. O'Meara [Accessed 12 October 2002]


• Portrait of the artist as a mother (K. Kissane), The Age [Accessed 27 September 2002 - no longer online]


• Deborah Conway - It's a girl thing (A. Prasad), Innerviews [Accessed 3 September 2002]

Offline

• Long Way to the Top: Stories of Australian & New Zealand Rock and Roll (J. Cockington) - Episode 5 - INXS, In Exile 1976-88 [DVD].


• The Real Thing: Adventures in Australian rock & roll (T. Creswell & M. Fabinyi), Published by Random House.



• The encyclopedia of Australian rock and pop (I. McFarlane), Published by Allen & Unwin.


• 'Women's Song: The role of female performers (S. Trenoweth),1994 Juice/Powerhouse Museum Special Issue: Real Wild Child, Published by Terraplane Press.


• Who's Who of Australian Rock, 3rd edition (C. Spencer), Published by The Five Mile Press Pty Ltd.


• No obits, just hits (J. Porter), Time Off, vol.1087, 28 August - 3 September 2002.

This article was originally posted on the old version of my blog several years ago - some time around 2004. It was deleted during a site revamp, but I promised the Bitch Listers that I would re-post it. That was waaay too long ago. It only just occurred to me that I hadn't done it. My apologies for the delay,...

Ever wanted to be a florist?

I have. In fact, back in about 1994 I did one semester of a floristry course. If I'm realistic, I'd have to say I flit from career idea to career idea,.... but now that I'm a mum the idea of returning to work terrifies me. I feel like I need to retrain before waltzing into the workplace for many reasons.

a. My skills are out of date.
b. My references are over ten years old.
c. I don't really want to return to financial admin / data entry / SAP.

The problem is that I'm not really sure what I want to do instead. Oh, of course, we all know I want to write but the reality is that not many writers can make a living from their craft. All they do is subsist on government handouts until some publisher somewhere decides they're worthwhile and gives them an advance and a decent marketing budget. [sigh] No, if I'm to be realistic, writing is not a suitable career option.

So, in the interest of self-evaluation I'm considering things I've been interested in before,.... life long interests, passions, whatever. Some of them just wouldn't work in with my family eg. working in hospitality, however some seem possible. I've been contemplating floristry lately. I noticed that Southbank TAFE has a nice floristry program that allows you to do a Cert 2 in semester 1 and then, if you're still interested, a Cert 3 in semester 2.

Other floristry things seem to be showing up for me to contemplate. eg. Tonight's New Inventors featured an invention called the "Ezy Bouquet". Frankly, I'm impressed by it. It doesn't stifle a florist's creativity, it just supports it. It gives the florist free hands, which never used to happen when creating a strauss bouquet.

Other things I've come across include an Aussie floristry supplier who sells to the public online - H. E. Koch & Co. and a US craft site called Save On Crafts that has a really extensive floristry education section.

OK, I know I flit from option to option,... but I really am at a place in my life where I need to consider options. If my pregnancy test comes back negative on Friday morning, well,... at least I've given myself an emotional carrot to gaze at during the shock and pain. It doesn't matter whether I run off to tafe next year or not,... it just helps me get through. The idea of it helps. Even if I know (or suspect) this is me giving myself a mental crutch, it doesn't matter. It's such a delicious prospect that the technique works - especially if I convince myself that the prospect is a real option in case of failure.

During my first IVF back in 2004, I had the prospect of becoming a Family Day Care mummy as my carrot and it worked a treat. In fact, I had myself convinced that I would still do that after Grace started school,... but recently I've realised it for the hollow construct / coping strategy that it was. It's OK though. I'm glad I've realised that this is just something I do for myself as a coping mechanism. It's a kind of workplace fantasy that won't find you in the bosses' office without your shoes.

[sigh]

Gotta sleep now. thanks for listening.

Excuse me if my blog has no consistency of theme.

I know my blog is not a cookery blog, but it does have the odd foodie post. It is not a faith blog but it also has spiritual stuff along the way. It is not crafty, nor is it social commentary. In fact, just like myself, I don't know what the hell my blog is all about.

It was this stage in my last phase of IVF that the hormones had so tripped with my head that I became convinced that I had adult ADHD. I'm going through it all again. In fact, reading this article: Adult ADHD: 50 Tips on Management
by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D. just reduced me to tears. My darling husband, who is a trained counsellor, has kindly pointed out to me that I do not have ADHD and that it is a complicated diagnosis,... however I personally think that I sit somewhere down that end of the spectrum and I do struggle with the big ADHD issues of impulsivity, inattentiveness, distraction and their related complications (and negative impacts on the self-esteem).

The line from that article that really got me was:

"Don't feel chained to conventional careers or conventional ways of coping. Give yourself permission to be yourself. Give up trying to be the person you always thought you should be--the model student or the organized executive, for example--and let yourself be who you are."

Let yourself be who you are. I want to weep. Let yourself be who you are. How long have I struggled to fit into everyone else's mold? It seems my entire life has been about trying to fit into society, as if it were an ill-fitting pair of non-stretch jeans and doing that button up at the top made me feel like I wanted to throw up.

Let yourself be who you are.

Frankly, I wouldn't have a clue who I am and it seems like an important task to try and find out.

[sigh]

Pimp Your Undies!

Fat chicks of the world UNITE!!!! Don't let the fashion industry tell you what undies you can and cannot wear. Thumb your nose at the prima donnas who tell you that fat chicks can't wear anything but beige cottontails.

OK, so they might be comfortable and practical and available in plus sizes,... but Cottontails come in about three pastel shades, a nasty shade of beige that looks like you washed your whites in with Dad's work socks, and occasionally they do a really tragic floral pattern in an insipid mint-green and white design.

In frustration, I tried some Rio undies. Full marks to them for their "Sexy at any size" range. My purple spotty undies definitely do make me feel like dancing. BUT, and there is a BUTT, they seem a little fond of - ahem - moving out of their preferred position. So, I have returned to comfy old cottontails,...

But this time I know better. Last night, Grace and I pimped my undies. Now my cottontails are scarlet red. Nice,... and liberating.

An horticultural-type with a sense of humour.

Had to store this link somewhere safe so this is the place: Plants are the Strangest People

I was bumbling my way through google trying to work out how to propagate some more Zanzibar Gem for my patio when I found this. I was surprised to find an horticultural-type with a sense of humour and thought, this must be treasured. Since losing my beloved Peter Cundall, my garden has suffered. It has only been watered once every week or so,.... the last time I fertilized was maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago,... Grace pulled all my tiny green tomatoes off the bush. All this has merely added to my garden rejection.

Until now. Now that I have found this blog,.... my gardening joy has returned a little. I will propagate those tiny Zanzibar Gem plants. Oh yes,.... I will.

Grace Catherine Harris - Miracle Girl

"Every new born child is a miracle, but for a thousand reasons Grace Catherine Harris is more miraculous than most. Her journey from the ether to life has been longer and harder fought than most. While she lay frozen in a test tube, I lay frozen in a hospital bed. We were both in a stupor of sorts, mine was induced by the same hormones that brought her to life. I had Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS), a condition that affects roughly one in twelve women who have IVF.

In actual fact, OHSS affects every woman that has IVF. Every IVF patient experiences the symptoms to some degree, but for the most part they are only a passing discomfort. The process of superovulation, or producing as many ripe follicles as possible, is a fine balance between not producing enough and producing far too many. OHSS occurs when the patient is either far too sensitive, or the dose of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) far too high and as a result far too many follicles are produced. For me, it was probably a little of both. After three or four days of extreme nausea and bloating, I could no longer even drink water. All the fluids in my body were floating in between cells and circulatory systems. My stomach was stretched so much that the skin hurt, and my lungs were full and squishing with this mystery fluid.

That's one week of the eight year journey that my husband and I went on to conceive our little daughter, Grace. But that's history now. "

*Reposted from my old blog which no longer exists.

The post script to this entry is that after a very traumatic IVF experience, many embryos were frozen and stored for us in November 2004. Grace was one of the first two thawed. Now, in August 2008, we are trying again. In 15 - 18 days time, one of those embryos will be thawed out and carefully placed in my (artifically prepared) womb. Once again, we will be asking God for a miracle. It's far easier to believe for it, though, when you've seen God do an amazing miracle already.

Feeling disheartened,...

Lately I've been feeling crushed under the weight of obligations and expectations of the things God has spoken over my life. There are hopes and dreams that seem no closer today than they were ten or even twenty years ago when they first burned in my heart. I was feeling inadequate and useless,... feeling like I'd achieved nothing. It makes me sad how the devil robs us of our joy, even when we are in the place God wants us to be.

God was gentle with me once again. He reminded me that I was His child and He loves me. He showed me how silly it would be if Grace tried to reach for something too high for her. She'd be grunting, groaning, straining, frustrated and putting herself in danger of falling.

"No, darling." I'd tell her.

"Let Mummy get it for you," I'd say. Duly chastised. Duly relieved. My heart, once again, sinks into the peace only God can give.

On Sunday (last), our Pastor, Ian Hussey, explained the concept of riding on eagle's wings. When a baby eagle gets to a certain stage, their mother pushes them out of their nest. They either flap their wings and learn to fly or they fall. The mother eagle watches them carefully and, as they fall or tire, she flies below them, catches them on her back and safely returns them to the nest. (See Exodus 19:4 and Deuteronomy 32:11)

That, to me, sounds more secure and comforting than having a net like acrobats have,... because not only am I being carefully supervised, but when I even start to look like falling, I am scooped up for a big hug from mum. That gives me the courage to try and keep on trying.

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong.

Yes! Jesus loves me!
Yes! Jesus loves me!
Yes! Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

"You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself." Exodus 19:4

Non Scale Victory

Sometimes when people are trying to lose weight, it helps to measure weight loss by things other than the scales or tape measure. The scales can become a real source of torment and obsession when you're trying so hard to lose weight. So, I was encouraged this week in my weight loss journey when I discovered I had won a non scale victory.

To explain:
About a month ago, Scott and I bought a WiiFit. I've managed to do workouts roughly twice a week, if not more. A busy week or two has meant that I haven't had a chance to workout for eight days. I knew I had put on a bit of weight. I was stressed, busy and comfort eating. Motivation to work out was hard to find. [sigh]

On Monday, though, I pulled a toy hula hoop from the cupboard at Grace's playgroup. Grace and I had a little hula-hula and I surprised myself. I was able to hula properly for a good six or seven spins. It doesn't sound like a whole lot, but it's something I have never been able to do. Not even when I was a kid.

I realised, after several repeat performances on the hula hoop, that my stomach muscles are getting stronger now. This is a skill I have learned through all my virtual hula hooping on the Wii balance board. This is one of the first good things I have done for my body in years. This is something I can be proud of, a real achievement based on my workouts.

I feel motivated to keep trying. I even walked past a piece of cheesecake without eating it today. This is a real non-scale victory.

Cafepress Update (Including sympathy poem)

I recently created an online store using Cafepress. It's called "AnnaHarris.com Online Store". At the moment it only contains a couple of designs. They will be added as I get the opportunity. I only have one design per product item. If you like a design (eg. on a greeting card) but want to buy it on a different item (eg. mini poster or framed print) then feel free to drop me a line: anna at annaharris dot com and I'll do my darnedest to make it happen for you.

Designs currently on the site are:

A Birthday Card 10 pack of "Happy Hip Hop Birthday" cards. This is a pretty funky graffiti-style design. The inside says "It's your day. Bust a move."

There's a cute little teddy bear wearing a t-shirt with another one of my poems on it. The poem is called "God is like a teddy bear". It's been valuable in helping people understand something about who God is and how he loves. Perhaps you might like to share a bear with a friend and help them find out about God's love.

"God is like a teddy bear with a conscience
He listens to everything you say
He tells you the right thing to do
And still loves you after you do the opposite."


And finally (for now) there is a very powerful sympathy card, complete with a lovely image of a white hydrangea. I adore that image. I adore the poem. It's about losing your one true love and dealing with laying them to rest. Here is the poem:

The grass is yet to grow back
in the place where they buried you.
There is only dirt
and wilted flowers.
The remnants of my last visit.

I don't wan't grass anyway.
That would be a lie,
As if everything was normal.
As if you were laid to rest.
As if you and I were at peace.

They buried my heart with you,
My Darling, My love.
They left pieces exposed
like rocks in the dirt.

No grass can grow there,
Until leaves fall
and tears fall,
to nourish the earth.

Tears.
Tears. Tears.
I have been hurt.
The realisation that I will never
hold you,
never touch you,
never hear you laugh.
How can I ever let go?
Tears rain down now,
upon your grave.
Preparing the soil for my new life,
without you.

The grass must grow back again.
The sun must shine again.
Rest in Glory.
Rest in Peace.
Rest in Love.


I have great plans for this CafePress store. I have so many ideas for greeting cards, posters, gifts and t-shirts. In fact, I have so many ideas that it makes my head ache. I'm stressed about my somewhat limited artistic skills. I'm a writer, not a fighter. Oh, I mean an artist.

Over time I'll be building up my collection of available designs. My goal is to upgrade to a Premium store and make this little baby into an earner! Stay tuned for more updates.

[sigh] Wish me well, folks. And go there and buy my stuff. Please.

Ultra Simple and cute ballet tutu pattern

I stumbled across this cute little number. I must make one for Grace some time soon. She loves to pretend she's a ballerina. She asks me for ballet slippers every chance she gets. This ballet tutu might distract her attention until I can find a pair of Jiffies in her size. It's such a simple concept. I thought I might make Barbie one too.

Cool.

And so here it was, it was the day that Jesus rose from the dead,...

Scripture this passage relates to: Luke 24 : 13 - 33 The Road to Emmaus

"And so here it was, it was the day that Jesus rose from the dead and they had given up. They were on their way home. They were shattered beyond description. I mean, what would you do if you had put all of your hopes in this one man? He was the anointed of God. He was going to redeem Israel. He was going to take back the land for the people and so on, and they killed Him. They killed Him. So they just gave up. It was a washout. It was through. They were going home.

"And yet who should they meet on the road but Jesus Himself? And it says that they didn’t recognise Him and we seem to attribute it that God didn’t allow them to recognize Him. But I don’t buy that one bit, because the original text doesn’t say that. It just says that they didn’t recognize Him. Do you know why they didn’t recognize Him? Because He was the last man they expected to see on that road. Granted, I don’t think He looked the same. But they never expected to meet Jesus. It was their own lack of faith that blinded them from seeing Him.
"So Jesus comes up to them and “What’s happenin’ fellas? What are you talkin’ about?” and he [Cleopas] says “Are you the only one that doesn’t know about these things?”
Jesus says “What? What are you talking about?”
“Jesus, the Nazarene, mighty prophet, mighty man of God in word and deed. In fact, we all thought he was the Messiah and they killed him. And that was three days ago. His body is gone. We found His body is gone but they haven’t found Him.[Cleopas said]” And the Bible says that they stood there looking sad.

"Now,...that’s a lot like us, people. You see, [for] those guys, this should have been the greatest day in their lives. The Messiah had just risen. He had come to do THIS! Heaven had just opened. It was the beginning of the Kingdom of God that would be displayed through men, not just Jesus. And their work was today really beginning and they thought it was over. They were going this way and Jesus said “Why aren’t you going that way? You ought to be going IN to Jerusalem!” They didn’t get it. And so they rebuked God. “Don’t you know Jesus died?” They rebuked God. But He was patient. He didn’t smite them with fire. He was gentle with them. And He said “Oh foolish men, slow to hear all the prophets had said. Didn’t you know these things were going to happen? Weren’t you told so many times?” Yeah, they were.

"But see, those two guys are like us. As you sit here tonight many of you have trouble. You’ve got problems. You brought them in this room with you tonight. And sometimes we would think if only, only Jesus would come to my house. If once I could sit down and counsel with Jesus. If I could just see Him once. If I could just hear His voice once, I’d be transformed. No you wouldn’t. You’d be just like these two men on the road to Emmaus. You wouldn’t get it. The presence of Jesus would not change your life.

"Believe me? It’s true.

"You see, because Jesus, His presence, is here right now. His presence is inside your bodies right now. It hasn’t changed you. Oh, you’re going to Heaven, but it hasn’t changed you. We came into this room tonight with problems. Jesus is right here. Jesus might have said to you tonight “How’re you doing?” “Are you the only one in Adelaide who doesn’t know the trouble I’ve got? I haven’t paid all my bills! The kids are sick! My husband’s been angry with me for the last two weeks! Don’t you know!?! I’m upset! And He says Oh foolish foolish people. Didn’t you know this stuff was going to happen? Didn’t I tell you? Jesus Christ is right here next to you tonight. He’s right here with you. The King of the Universe and He knows you by name. He knows everything about you. He has rescued you. He has written your name in His book. He is counting the days until He gets to take you home face to face. He loves you so much. Do you realise how precious you are to Him? You don’t realise that or you wouldn’t be so upset about the problems in your life.

"You don’t know what a glory you are to Him. You might think “Well, I don’t do anything. I’m not very useful to the Lord. I’m not very powerful. I’m not, you know, a real disciple.” Do you know how much He loves you? You see, what you were created for has already happened. It’s already done. You see, when you became a Christian you fulfilled the Lord’s will for your life. He didn’t die so that you might be discipled. He died so that you might go to heaven. Right? He opened the way for Heaven. When you said Jesus come into your life, that day, whenever it was, IT WAS FINISHED. And the only reason you’re here now isn’t to grow closer to the Lord, or to be more obedient to the Lord, or to become more of a disciple. No! The reason you’re here right now, today, is that the joy and the love and the fullness of God would spill out of you and flow all over others, because you are now the Jesuses in this world. You have the good news of God beating in your breast. He just wants to show you off!

"You’re not supposed to work your way. It’s already done. You’re going to heaven. You don’t see it like all of creation sees it. That shekinah glory of God that blinded Paul on the Damascus road and knocked him flat on his back, knocked Daniel down a couple of times and Ezekiel and John and so on. That same shekinah glory of God dwells in your breast. And every spiritual being throughout eternity can see it. All of the host of Heaven, the saints and the angels, and all of the demonic realm, even Satan himself, they all can see that and it scares the demons no end. They know you from a non-Christian. You blind them with the glory of God. It’s not just a little angel that hangs around you to try to protect you. It’s the spirit of the living God who makes your body His home. Every time your heart beats you’re giving glory to God, you know why? Because God’s saying “That one is mine”. Every time you hear that heart beat “That one is mine. They have said ‘yes’ to me. They’re going to be in Heaven with me”. "

Quoted Section from message by Pastor Brent Rue titled "Letting God Love You", preached somewhere in Adelaide in the mid/late 90's???? Write me a comment if you would like to read the entire sermon and I'll e-mail you the 16 page Word document. An mp3 version of a similar message is available from www.brentrue.com, but appears to be preached several years later than my transcript (so it has a slightly different perspective).

Pastor Rue shares a life-changing concept that God used with me,... but it's 12:45am here so I won't elaborate. I just really felt that God wanted me to post something of this, the "most important teaching" Ps Rue's ever done, here, on Resurrection Sunday.

Good Friday Seedlings

Easter is not about eggs, or bunnies or chocolate. It is about seeds.

As Jesus agonised at the thought of his impending death, He said "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (John 12:24).

When Jesus died on the cross He fell to the ground and was buried in the pits of hell. But in His death came the new life that only God can breathe upon us.

On the third day He rose, like a seed sprouting, and came to life once more. This time like a plant spreading its seeds around the earth.

Easter is all about seeds and the new life we are given when we take the seed of God's love and plant it firmly in our heart.


When you consider what Jesus did for you on the first Good Friday, let His overwhelming love be the first thing to pierce your heart. Pray this prayer below if you want to accept the blessings of the cross and embrace Jesus as friend and saviour.

A prayer for new life:

Father God,
I realise I am a sinner. I have sinned and deserve my consequences. But I have learned that in you there is forgiveness, unconditional love and a new life breathed into my soul. Please come into my life and my heart so I can be born again in Christ Jesus?
Amen.

Have a very good friday.

A little trifle,...

Trifle is this strange bitsa-style dessert that creates something far more than the sum of its parts. On their own custard, jelly, tinned fruit and old sponge cake are uninspiring,... but when you put them all together with a splash of plonk something magical happens. TRIFLE.

With that, and a half demolished trifle in my fridge in mind, I decided to have a little google for trifle recipes. One nice thing you can do with trifle is choose a theme and go with it eg. an Australia Day trifle made with lamingtons. My favourites in a preliminary web browse are the Port Wine Trifle and the Banana Caramel Trifle. I have to qualify this last link by saying that I really do NOT like trifles with Madiera cake or jam sponges or jam rolls. Any jam added to a trifle just makes it sickly sweet, whether it's spread over the cake or bought like that. Urk. Totally unnecessary. The only jam exception I will make is that some people microwave a few teaspoons of jam to stir in with their plonk if it's not a very sweet one.

There are plenty of recipes for Black Forest Trifles and chocolate trifles too. Personally, I've done a chocolate one using chocolate mousse instead of jelly, but having watched Maggie Beer do a lovely espresso jelly recently has caused me to rethink the chocolate trifle idea. I'd like to see a rich grown-up chocolate trifle with a hint of mocha ie. coffee jelly and possibly kahlua on chocolate sponge.

Now it's time to introduce you to my classic trifle method (as opposed to recipe):

1. 1 or 2 unfilled sponge cakes from the supermarket OR a packet of Savoiardi (sponge finger) biscuits - no jam rolls or Madeira for reasons already discussed.


2. 1/2 - 1 cup of plonk (suggested choices include marsala, sherry, dessert wines, chocolate liqueur, kirsch, Bailey's Irish Cream, Grand Marnier etc). For non-alcoholic versions the choices are just as endless - the liquid drained from your tinned fruit, chocolate/strawberry/banana flavoured milk, ice-cream toppings, cold coffee [nice mixed with marsala for a tiramisu flavoured trifle], well pureed fruit or fruit coulis, some brave folks even use fruit juice but I'd be wary of curdling the dairy products in the trifle.


3. Break sponge into pieces, place in a large casserole dish with a lid and drizzle with plonk. Cover cake and leave in fridge overnight.


4. Make one or two jellies in separate containers according to packet directions. Add fresh / tinned fruit or frozen berries to the jelly if desired. [Helps conceal the fruit from fussy toddlers.] Allow to set in fridge over night.


5. Make a nice thick batch of custard according to packet directions, or be lazy and buy a carton or two at the supermarket. You can buy the thick stuff, but it's a matter of personal preference how you like your custard in your trifle. Personally, if I'm using really runny custard, I'd be inclined to go easy on the plonk. If you made the custard yourself, cover the top of it with a sheet of glad wrap and put it in the fridge overnight to cool.


6. In the morning/afternoon/whenever you get around to it: compile all the goodness together in several casserole dishes or sexy glass bowls, parfait glasses or whatever is your desired serving dish. You may need to make more than you think you'll need because this trifle is damn tempting just sitting there in your fridge.


7. Once you have fairly evenly compiled the sponge, custard, jelly and fruit, you are ready to top it all with a generous layer of (barely sweetened, vanilla added) whipped cream. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT skimp on this step. This is the contrast in flavour and texture that makes it all something magical. It also hides the chaos beneath. The top can be sprinkled with something nice eg. chocolate sprinkles, coconut, nuts, cinnamon,.... try and go with the theme of your trifle.
   

[sigh] As Dora's Backpack says "Delicioso".

This is a dessert classic and even the single bloke with limited culinary skills could probably knock up a nice one to impress the ladies.

Trifle,... make one today.

Dearest Christian,...

Take your eyes off the
things of this world.

Forget their fame and fashion
and their meat pots and onions.

Jesus lives in the land
of promised milk and honey.

Jesus lives in the land
of resurrected dreams.

Jesus lives in your heart,
His truth is on your tongue.
His word is in your heart.
His Spirit broods above you
and within.

Jesus lights upon you
shining like the first rays of the day,
burning like the midday sun,
reigning like pink scars on the twilight sky.
Follow Him.

Low carbing starts next time I eat!

Low Carb starts now.

I am a failed dieter. In fact, I feel like I have been on a diet every single day since I turned 12. As a result, over time, I have just given up. I lost the will to fight with food every meal of every single day. People really annoy me when they harp on and on about my weight. Every one from work colleagues to schoolyard bullies to doctors and family members, everyone has something to say about what I'm eating. To be frank, they can shove it up their date! What I eat is none of their freakin' business.

That said, I need to lose weight. We all know that. I have PCOS and obesity, diabetes and heart related illnesses are all complications of this condition. If Grace is ever going to have a brother or sister, I'm going to need to lose around twenty kilos (preferably thirty). My endocrinologist told me not to go back to him until I've lost twenty.

Knowing I need to lose weight and the real importance of it, I've been reflecting, thinking, researching, wondering for months. I've looked into Weight Watchers, gastric bands, Jenny Craig, Mass Attack,... After months of thinking, I have decided to do low carb. It makes sense given my PCOS. Any diet that focuses on low fat and allows a lot of carbs in a day just disregards my PCOS and insulin resistance.

So, tomorrow morning I will be having a low carb breakfast and then trying to avoid the yummy morning tea treats at playgroup. I'm working from The Carbohydrate Addicts Healthy Heart book. Their eating plan allows you one meal a day where you can eat some carbs, whatever carbs you like, provided they're balanced with meat and vegetables. As far as I'm concerned, it is a concept I could live with. It takes my keenly developed sense of deprivation and addresses it in a reasonable way by allowing me one treat each day.

I know I can stick to it because I HAVE to. It will require me to give up diet soft drinks (because artificial sweeteners cause an insulin response just like sugar does!). That's going to be hard but I'm sure I'll get used to it. If I really want them, I can have them at my daily reward meal. That's quite reasonable, don't you think? We shouldn't be drinking crap like soft drink all day long anyway. I think this diet just makes sense. It just takes my out of control eating and brings it back to a reasonable level.

Here are some useful links for my benefit. If they help you, then we both win.

• Glycemic Index
• Sugar Science Diet Archive This is the old name for John Ratcliffe's Low Carb diet, one I'm using recipes and taking advice from.
• Empower Foods have a whole lot of low carb versions of yummy treats like muffins and biscuits and even tortillas. I'll suss it out some time soon.
  

I wanted to link to a cool online weight tracker but, so far, I haven't found one. They're all either crappy or they cost cash. Perhaps I'll just set up an Excel spreadsheet to keep track on my PC.

If you get a chance, please say a prayer for my success. This is not weight loss for vanity. It is for life and health and a future,... mine and my children's.

My slightly healthy tweaked Mars Bar Slice Recipe

For those of you who like a piece of Mars Bar slice every now and then, here's a new version. The benefits of this recipe are two-fold (actually, if you were to list the benefits of this recipe you could be here all day long, but I'm highlighting two.) Firstly, portion control and secondly, added fibre.

I have reduced your standard recipe down to it's lowest common denominator - a single Mars Bar. If you just pick up one Mars Bar at the corner store, you can make enough for six (approx 100 calorie) portions in a loaf tin. Alternatively, use patty pans and scoop out enough to fill six.

Traditionally Mars Bar slice is made with rice bubbles, or the Nigella version is made with corn flakes. Neither of these breakfast cereals contain any fibre. By switching Sultana Bran with either of those, I have introduced 1 gram of fibre per serve. It doesn't sound like much,.... but compare it to your average morning tea sweet treat - cake, biscuits, crackers, none of them really have much fibre. So try this recipe. It's lightning fast and eases some of the guilt of similar snacky treats.

Ingredients:
1 Mars Bar (50-60 gram) roughly chopped
30 grams (1.5 tablespoons) butter (salted or unsalted according to preference, I like the salt.)
45 grams Sultana Bran

Slowly melt butter and chopped mars bar in a medium-sized saucepan. Stir regularly and DO NOT leave unattended. When the mars bar has completely melted and no lumps remain, add sultana bran and stir quickly until combined. Spread mixture over a greased loaf tin and refrigerate. Slice will be set in about 30 minutes.

To achieve the following nutritional quantities, cut mixture into 6 portions. For a nice presentation, cut slice into six (or more) portions after 5 - 10 minutes in the fridge, before the slice has set completely. If you don't, the bars will crumble and shatter as you attempt to slice them neatly. If you're making this for a 'do', perhaps the patty pan option is slightly more attractive. You could certainly spread the mix across 8 or 10 pans, I just calculated the nutritional information on six portions.

Per Serve:

Kilojoules = 449 (107 calories)
Fat = 6 grams (50% unsaturated)
Carbs = 11.8 grams
Fibre = 1 gram
Protein = 1.4 gram

I was inspired to do this after watching Oprah's episode on tweaking kids food so that they receive some invisible nutrition throughout their day. Refer to Jessica Seinfeld's book "Deceptively Delicious".

I can just imagine Gracey telling me "Mummy have invisible nutrition too!"

PS: This was a hit with toddler, husband and in-laws. All was demolished in one sitting. Delish. Reminds me of a soft caramelly flapjack. It has the chewiness of oat-based flapjacks without all the hard work.

Surprised? I am.

Thanks for asking. My first art class today went really well.

I surprised myself with how well my first few sketches came out. I think I've spent my entire life telling myself I couldn't draw. You know, 'I'm the writer, I can't draw' or 'My sister's the artist in the family, not me' etc etc. Imagine my surprise when I was able to translate a photo I took of a beautifully gnarled hibiscus bush with a gorgeous soft flower and bud nestled amongst deep green leaves and sparse dead branches into a recognisable detailed pencil sketch. Stay tuned for the colour version. It's one that I plan to develop into a painting on canvas. I'm not in a major rush to do that though. I want to spend a few weeks learning stuff and practising on paper before I buy a canvas.

It's a funny laid-back kind of art class. Every one just works on projects and Shane, the art teacher, helps them with constructive advice and suggestions on what technique or material would be best in their projects. Shane also presents lessons for part of the session.

Today's lesson was on colour temperature and colour blending. It was great to learn and, apart from anything else, handy to learn before I dish out $$$ on paints. Knowing how to mix true secondary colours may be a cost saver because you can spend more money on better quality primary colours instead. It's not all the paint required, but I learned that a good starting point is 3 warm primaries and 3 cool primaries. I'm really looking forward to getting paint on paper, but for now I'll enjoy doing pencil sketches and surprising myself.

What is Grace?

"Grace is that most marvelous, multifaceted gemstone that sparkles, glitters, and radiates the love of God in our lives. Grace -- the favor of God by which He blesses sinful human beings -- is given according to the measure of Christ's gift (the measure of infinite love for undeserving people)."

From WordTruth.com's online sermon "God's Church is Growing Up".

I think about this every single time I say my daughter's name. She might have an "ey" on the end from time to time,.... I am Australian, after all, but it is still Grace that I say a hundred times a day. God showed us great favour. I feel like one of the most blessed women in the world because He heard my cry, He gave me a precious promise to hold on to and then He worked miracles and tip-toed a fine line between life and death to bless us with Grace.

I feel sorry for people who say there is no God because I have looked Jesus in the face as he lifted me up off the doctor's table. I remember thinking that I wasn't scared at all, but I probably should be.

Duh! Who'd be scared when Jesus is beside you reminding you to hold on.

Sparkling, glittering, multi-faceted indeed,....

Freakin' technology!

At 35, I'm too old to keep learning knew tricks. I know, I know, once upon a time I used to be able to do so much with technology. I could pre-program my parents' VCR. I could use command lines in DOS and UNIX. I was an expert in Word Perfect 5.1 and could program macros in Lotus 123. But those days are long gone, my friend.

I swear, if I have to learn how to use another mobile phone I will scream! These days, I have more of a make do approach to technology. I learn the bare minimum to do the bare necessities. I answer calls, send txt, save numbers in the contacts book.

Imagine my dismay last night when I tried to work out Face Book. At first I thought it wouldn't let me see anyone's profile unless I had in them in my profile as friends. But then, to my surprise, I was able to see my friend Phil's profile before inviting him as a friend. So, that theory was thrown out. Then, I realised that you can specify your own privacy setting so some people probably allow all to see their profile, while others only allow 'friends'. So I'm learning.

Then, I had a "Teachers" moment. I'm friendless. [sigh] Andrew Lincoln plays a grade 11 school teacher who confiscates a mobile phone from a student. During his cigarette break he flicks through the contacts in the phone and is horrified to learn that this student has more than a hundred phone numbers. Being overly melodramatic (as only Teachers can) he compares this student's life to his own. Andrew has 25 numbers in his phone, subtract two for people with mobile and landline numbers in there, subtract one for Mr Tandoori and you're left with a pretty lame guy with no life.

[This post has been interrupted to push my nose up against the glass on the back door. As I squish my nose to the glass, I get an outside glass kiss from Grace. Oh yes, that's right. I'm a mummy now. I get to fill my phone contacts up with other mummy's numbers from playgroup. I get to watch/ignore Maisy mouse 26 times a day. sigh. As you were....]

So my point? Hurry up and make friends with me so this technology doesn't continue to make me feel lame and uncool - as much as we know it's true.

PS: I seriously considered being like one of the cool people and putting an image on my profile that doesn't look like me/doesn't contain me at all. But, in the end, the whole reason I'm attracted to Facebook is the chance to catch up with some special people that I haven't seen or heard from in years. If I don't put my face on my profile, considering my name has changed, they won't know it's me. Wouldn't that be a shame?

BTW: I managed to work out how to feed my blog via Facebook so you read this via www.annaharris.com or my Facebook profile. Cooleo.