Ever wanted to be a florist?

I have. In fact, back in about 1994 I did one semester of a floristry course. If I'm realistic, I'd have to say I flit from career idea to career idea,.... but now that I'm a mum the idea of returning to work terrifies me. I feel like I need to retrain before waltzing into the workplace for many reasons.

a. My skills are out of date.
b. My references are over ten years old.
c. I don't really want to return to financial admin / data entry / SAP.

The problem is that I'm not really sure what I want to do instead. Oh, of course, we all know I want to write but the reality is that not many writers can make a living from their craft. All they do is subsist on government handouts until some publisher somewhere decides they're worthwhile and gives them an advance and a decent marketing budget. [sigh] No, if I'm to be realistic, writing is not a suitable career option.

So, in the interest of self-evaluation I'm considering things I've been interested in before,.... life long interests, passions, whatever. Some of them just wouldn't work in with my family eg. working in hospitality, however some seem possible. I've been contemplating floristry lately. I noticed that Southbank TAFE has a nice floristry program that allows you to do a Cert 2 in semester 1 and then, if you're still interested, a Cert 3 in semester 2.

Other floristry things seem to be showing up for me to contemplate. eg. Tonight's New Inventors featured an invention called the "Ezy Bouquet". Frankly, I'm impressed by it. It doesn't stifle a florist's creativity, it just supports it. It gives the florist free hands, which never used to happen when creating a strauss bouquet.

Other things I've come across include an Aussie floristry supplier who sells to the public online - H. E. Koch & Co. and a US craft site called Save On Crafts that has a really extensive floristry education section.

OK, I know I flit from option to option,... but I really am at a place in my life where I need to consider options. If my pregnancy test comes back negative on Friday morning, well,... at least I've given myself an emotional carrot to gaze at during the shock and pain. It doesn't matter whether I run off to tafe next year or not,... it just helps me get through. The idea of it helps. Even if I know (or suspect) this is me giving myself a mental crutch, it doesn't matter. It's such a delicious prospect that the technique works - especially if I convince myself that the prospect is a real option in case of failure.

During my first IVF back in 2004, I had the prospect of becoming a Family Day Care mummy as my carrot and it worked a treat. In fact, I had myself convinced that I would still do that after Grace started school,... but recently I've realised it for the hollow construct / coping strategy that it was. It's OK though. I'm glad I've realised that this is just something I do for myself as a coping mechanism. It's a kind of workplace fantasy that won't find you in the bosses' office without your shoes.

[sigh]

Gotta sleep now. thanks for listening.

Excuse me if my blog has no consistency of theme.

I know my blog is not a cookery blog, but it does have the odd foodie post. It is not a faith blog but it also has spiritual stuff along the way. It is not crafty, nor is it social commentary. In fact, just like myself, I don't know what the hell my blog is all about.

It was this stage in my last phase of IVF that the hormones had so tripped with my head that I became convinced that I had adult ADHD. I'm going through it all again. In fact, reading this article: Adult ADHD: 50 Tips on Management
by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D. just reduced me to tears. My darling husband, who is a trained counsellor, has kindly pointed out to me that I do not have ADHD and that it is a complicated diagnosis,... however I personally think that I sit somewhere down that end of the spectrum and I do struggle with the big ADHD issues of impulsivity, inattentiveness, distraction and their related complications (and negative impacts on the self-esteem).

The line from that article that really got me was:

"Don't feel chained to conventional careers or conventional ways of coping. Give yourself permission to be yourself. Give up trying to be the person you always thought you should be--the model student or the organized executive, for example--and let yourself be who you are."

Let yourself be who you are. I want to weep. Let yourself be who you are. How long have I struggled to fit into everyone else's mold? It seems my entire life has been about trying to fit into society, as if it were an ill-fitting pair of non-stretch jeans and doing that button up at the top made me feel like I wanted to throw up.

Let yourself be who you are.

Frankly, I wouldn't have a clue who I am and it seems like an important task to try and find out.

[sigh]